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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #children #people #government #responsibility
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In a lot of nations
,
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,
offspring
Suggestion
the offspring
are becoming
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is becoming
 obese and delicate
.
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.
some
Suggestion
Some
 people believe that the authorities should have the duties about
this
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 reality
.
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.
 From my perspective
,
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,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 completely disagree with
this
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 statement
.
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.
 Personally, I believe that eating habit of children is one of the most common
reason
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reasons
 of overweight and bad health of a child
.
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.
 Nowadays
,
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,
 the kids consume a large amount fast
food
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 and junk
food
Use synonyms
for instance
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:
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:
 chips
,
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,
 hamburger
,
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,
etc
continuing in the same way
etc.
,
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,
 and these types of
food
Use synonyms
 have big quantity of calories
,
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,
 and these kinds of
food
Use synonyms
 will
make
engage in
do
 people get fat and some related diseases
.
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.
In addition
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,
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,
 at present the information technology industry is growing day by day
,
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,
as a
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result children
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result, children
 health is
effected
acted upon; influenced
affected
 negatively because a lot of children are usually
keep
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kept
 their eyes on their phone or computer and always sit in front of their electronic devices for a long time
,
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,
 the consequences are
:
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:
 they
will got
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will get
 some typical eyes problems like
:
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:
 short-sighted
,
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,
 astigmatism
,
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,
 Presbyopia
.
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.
some
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Some
 mental problems
:
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:
 autism
,
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,
 Anxiety
,
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,
etc
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,
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,
moreover
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 the grease that their digest system
have converted
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have been converted
 to energy will be accumulated and turn
in to
expresses motion to a point on, or within, something
into
 fat
.
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.
 In fact
,
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,
 adults have a big responsibility to manage their children's eating habit
.
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.
 They should keep their eyes on what their children eat
,
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,
 and educate them to know what they eat
,
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,
 they should limit the amount of fast
food
Use synonyms
 that consumed by their kids
.
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.
 Beside that they should create some outdoor activities for their offspring
,
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,
 and spend their time with their children
.
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.
Suggestion
In
in conclusi
on
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,
 , the governments don't have any responsibility of overweight and unhealthy childr
en
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,
 , the biggest responsibilit
y is belon
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belongs
gs to their paren
ts
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,
 , and their parents should have solutions to tackle
thi
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s phenomen
Suggestion
phenomenon
al
Submitted by josephnguyenn2110 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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