'Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them.' To what extent to you agree or disagree with the statement?

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It is often argued by many that kids participating in

video

Use synonyms

games

is considered

Suggestion

are considered

to be a loss of valuable time,

therefore

Linking Words

, they should be banned from plying them. I fully agree with

this

Linking Words

notion.

This

Linking Words

essay will discuss how the continuous use of online games is detrimental to a

childs

Suggestion

child's

optical

health and

Accept comma addition

health, and

how their content may negatively impact children’s fragile minds.

Firstly

Linking Words

, children should not play

video

Use synonyms

games due to their numerous harmful health effects, especially on the eyes.

This

Linking Words

is because hours per day are spent fixated on a laptop screen playing these games,

consequently

Linking Words

, putting a strain on eyes and reducing their optical capacity.

This

Linking Words

can be exemplified by the publication in 2014, Childs Optical Health Society Paper, which concluded that 50% of children who wear glasses spend at least one hour a day playing computer games. Overall,

this

Linking Words

may result in grave consequences like children requiring glasses.

Secondly

Linking Words

, computer games have an extremely negative influence on kids mentality.

This

Linking Words

is due to the fact that these games may contain inappropriate language, harmful imagery and concepts.

Thus

Linking Words

, leading to aggressive behaviour and thoughts.

In addition

Linking Words

, kids may attempt to mimic

actions

Suggestion

the actions

and language seen.

For example

Linking Words

, Grand theft auto –a famous law

breaking aggressive

Accept comma addition

breaking, aggressive

video

Use synonyms

game- was found to be a common factor amongst 70% of juvenile offenders in the

Suggestion

in 2018. Owing to the fragile nature of young minds, they may easily be swayed and influenced by these games. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

there is much debate surrounding the topic of the youth and computer games, undoubtedly it is

Suggestion

unfavourable trend as it reduces optical health and promotes violence in some instances. In

future

Suggestion

the future

, I hope

video

Use synonyms

games are unavailable by law for children under 18.

leena_likeyMon Apr 08 2019

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

292 words

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'Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them.' To what extent to you agree or disagree with the statement?

Your opinion

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