Please help with the evaluation of the below essay. More and more people are choosing ready to eat food rather than cooking themselves. Do this development has more advantages than disadvantages?

Ready to eat
food
is becoming increasingly popular over the homemade
food
among people.
This
essay will argue that the disadvantages of
such
development are stronger than the advantages.
This
essay will
first
demonstrate that how the ready to eat
food
is yielding to poor
health
, followed by the analysis of the advantage specifically, busy schedule and hectic lifestyle, is not valid. The
consumption
of excessive ready to eat
food
among
people especially
Accept comma addition
people, especially
youngsters is causing poor
health
issues. The reason behind it is
uses
Suggestion
the uses
of preservatives and various chemicals in the ready to eat
food
to maintain the shelf-life of the product,
consumption
of
such
chemicals
have
Suggestion
has
an adverse effect on the human body as well.
For example
, in India, those who consumed ready to eat
food
specifically
Suggestion
specific
foods made of grains have faced
health
issues like gastric and acidity and
similarly
who consumed
food
that used excessive veg fat have seen the problems like fatty liver. According to a recent survey carried out in India shows that those who consumed readily available
food
have seen a decrease in
health
and spend 20% more on medication compared to those who preferred self-prepared
food
. Those who consumed ready to eat
food
to avoid the
time
wasted in preparing the
food
at home are
also
seen wasting
time
for medication.
For example
, people often seeing the doctor for treatment of
health
problems caused by the
consumption
of ready to eat
food
which again leads to sparing the
time
to keep the
health
and follow the doctor’s prescription. To conclude
consumption
of ready to eat
food
causes
health
issues which
leads
Suggestion
lead
to more
time
invested to keep the body fit so it is always better to consume self-prepared or home cooked
food
and
thus
maintain good
health
.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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