IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #results #survey #people #age #groups #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The two pie
chart
Fix the agreement mistake
charts
show examples
 illustrate the outcomes of a survey about what makes people from several age categories feel glad First of all
both
 age groups seem to care about their work achievement the percentage
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 up to 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the youngest group gives the good looking as a cause of
happiness
 with approximately 20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,the oldest think that having
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
financial security
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is more important
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 they
both
 agreed that around 22
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
happiness
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
due to
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
their hobbies.
Moreover
,the
over 30
Add a hyphen
over-30
show examples
group
Change to a plural noun
groups
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 tend to prefer being with their family .
Whereas
,
the
Correct your spelling
those
show examples
 under 30 choose travelling.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 is around 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 more or less unknowing factors of
happiness
 for
both
 In conclusion,
according to
 the
chart
Add a comma
,chart
show examples
 we can see that the causes of
happiness
 in the two age groups are mostly alike ,
both
 believe that hobbies and work achievement it is the major reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
happiness
 with over
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
40
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
for
both
.
Submitted by asd43214321asd on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words both, percent, happiness with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • survey
  • age groups
  • responses
  • happiness factors
  • participants
  • contribute
  • compare
  • patterns
  • differences
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