IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #results #survey #people #age #groups #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The two pie
chart
Fix the agreement mistake
charts
show examples
 illustrate the outcomes of a survey about what makes people from several age categories feel glad First of all
both
Use synonyms
 age groups seem to care about their work achievement the percentage
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 up to 30
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the youngest group gives the good looking as a cause of
happiness
Use synonyms
 with approximately 20
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,the oldest think that having
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
financial security
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is more important
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 they
both
Use synonyms
 agreed that around 22
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
happiness
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
due to
Linking Words
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
their hobbies.
Moreover
Linking Words
,the
over 30
Add a hyphen
over-30
show examples
group
Change to a plural noun
groups
show examples
 tend to prefer being with their family .
Whereas
Linking Words
,
the
Correct your spelling
those
show examples
 under 30 choose travelling.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 is around 10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 more or less unknowing factors of
happiness
Use synonyms
 for
both
Use synonyms
 In conclusion,
according to
Linking Words
 the
chart
Add a comma
,chart
show examples
 we can see that the causes of
happiness
Use synonyms
 in the two age groups are mostly alike ,
both
Use synonyms
 believe that hobbies and work achievement it is the major reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
happiness
Use synonyms
 with over
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
40
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
for
both
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by asd43214321asd on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words both, percent, happiness with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • survey
  • age groups
  • responses
  • happiness factors
  • participants
  • contribute
  • compare
  • patterns
  • differences
What to do next:
Look at other essays: