IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia. As many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The issue of obesity is
increasingly
Suggestion
increasing
 prevalent amongst school aged children in Australia. Many people believe that schools should be proactive in promoting the
health
Use synonyms
 of these children by monitoring their food consumption and exercising levels.
This
Linking Words
 essay will illustrate why I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion. Children lack the maturity to think about and maintain their
health
Use synonyms
 properly. A lot of young children are drawn to “addictive” foods that are high in sugar and fat contents without knowing the effects of these foods on their
health
Use synonyms
. Schools
therefore
Linking Words
 need to educate children
on
Suggestion
about
 nutrition and the effects of eating unhealthy foods, e.g., weight gain and other
health
Use synonyms
 issues.
However
Linking Words
, education alone is insufficient; it should be accompanied by the monitoring of food consumption and exercise output.
This
Linking Words
 helps to reinforce the importance and implementation of healthy eating and exercising habits. While parents play a major and crucial role in maintaining the physical
health
Use synonyms
 of their children, they may be too busy to ensure that their kids are eating healthily and exercising regularly.
Therefore
Linking Words
, many parents may expect the school to assist them in
this
Linking Words
 important task. Educators can collaborate with parents by recording what each child eats during recess or lunch time as well as the level of their physical
activeness
Suggestion
activity
 throughout the day. Since children spend one
third
Linking Words
 of their time at schools,
this
Linking Words
 is a valuable opportunity for the Australian educational systems to help combat the problem of childhood obesity. In conclusion, I fully agree that the schools in Australia should take the initiative to monitor children’s food consumption and exercise output.
This
Linking Words
 will help children effectively practice healthy lifestyle habits and share
this
Linking Words
 responsibility with the parents.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: