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Writing Samples
Band 5

Competitiveness among high school students should be encouraged. Do you agree or disagree?

These days, many schools are increasing competitions and exams to enhance educational and non-educational interest in their
students
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. I agree with
this
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 positive action for the pupil’s bright future. There are several reasons why being competent is so
much
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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important in school-age life for children.
Firstly
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, it helps the student to develop their own personality. To elaborate
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, competitions always demand from
students
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 for critical thinking, owning responsibility and guiding other colleagues to achieve the same goal.
For example
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, a cricket match between two teams of school kids requires the attention of planning of allocating team members on the ground to save from the targeted runs.
In addition
Linking Words
, the match needs one leader to take the responsibility to manage his team accurately to win
in
Change preposition
apply
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the
competition
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. All of these are beneficial parts in the development of their own personality in the pupils.
Secondly
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, taking part in the
competition
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 will increase the interest of
students
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 in the study or in any sports activity. Fortunately, sometimes
this
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 deep digging involvement in a particular interest
converted
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is converted
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 into their lifetime professionalism.
For instance
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, to achieve the targeted goal in the exam,
students
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require
Wrong verb form
are required
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 to research
on
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apply
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a particular subject to score high.
This
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 research sometimes makes
pupil
Fix the agreement mistake
pupils
show examples
 more curious about that particular subject and
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
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 them to do
Correct article usage
a master
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master
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master's
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 in the same, and
becoming
Wrong verb form
become
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professional
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professionals
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such
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 as a wildlife photographer.
Lastly
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, profit from
competition
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 helps the student to cover their financial burden.
At the end
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 of any
competition
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, there is always a prize for the winner. It might be in the form of a cash reward or a scholarship. Pupils from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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poor
financial
Correct word choice
apply
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family
background
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backgrounds
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 can survive their educational expenses needs from it. In conclusion, conducting and encouraging
students
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 to take part in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
competition
Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
show examples
 at
the
Correct article usage
an
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 early age
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 school life can provide a great addition to their personal, professional and financial
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction.
coherence
Try to connect your ideas more clearly so that the reader can follow your argument easily.
task achievement
Add more examples to support your main points, this will make your argument stronger.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion that supports competition in schools.
coherence
Your examples are relevant and illustrate your points well.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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