IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Films and games can be accessed at any time from mobile devices, likes smart phones, tablets and laptop computers. Do the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages?

#films #games #time #devices #phones #tablets #laptop #computers #developments
People use portable mobile devices and laptop computers to watch and play films and games at any
time
 of the day. In my opinion, there are more drawbacks than advantages to having constant access to movies and video games. Admittedly, there are some basic advantages to using mobile devices and laptop computers anytime for
entertainment
. One of the minor advantages is that people can entertain themselves whenever they want.
For example
, people watch movies and play games while travelling on a bus or aeroplane.
This
 helps people to stay engaged even when they have fewer options for other sources of
entertainment
. Another small benefit could be not having a feeling of loneliness. People who stay alone and who do not have many activities to do could potentially avoid the state of loneliness by using electronic devices for
entertainment
. Despite the minor advantages written above, in my opinion, the uncontrolled use of electronic devices for
entertainment
 has significant drawbacks. One of the significant problems is that many people, especially youngsters, get addicted to it. Young people keep themselves occupied with video games and movies in most of their free
time
. They do not have
time
 for even physical activity and
this
 affects their health adversely. Another major issue to consider is the lack of discipline in people to control and stop electronic
entertainment
, specifically for resting
time
.
For instance
, people use their devices to entertain
themselves even
Accept comma addition
themselves, even
 at late night, which affects their sleep. Not sleeping well for a long
time
 potentially creates health issues. In conclusion,
drawbacks
Suggestion
the drawbacks
 of having unrestricted access to
entertainment
 using portable devices far outweighs any of the minor advantages it brings
for
Suggestion
to
 people.
Submitted by neerajsingla86 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: