IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair.They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree ? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement ? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #retirement #age #e #g #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #benefit
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that, setting up a
retirement
Use synonyms
 age say
for e
situated at or toward the bow of a vessel
fore
.g. 65 years for everybody, regardless of occupation is unfair.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with that and explains how people will get affected if the
goverment
the organization that is the governing authority of a political unit
government
 bring up the rule of setting up the same
retirement
Use synonyms
 age for all employees. There are several
kind
Suggestion
kinds
 of workers in the country. Some of them belongs to white collared job, where they will not have to strain their body and put more effort. Whereas, daily wages people
has
Suggestion
have
 to put
lot
Suggestion
a lot
 of efforts
at
Suggestion
in
on
 their daily work which causes pressure in them and leds to various health issues. At one point of time, after working for several number of years, workers like mechanic, machine man would end up in health issue and which will result in the drop of interest in working. In
this
Linking Words
 case, early
retirement
Use synonyms
 option will be really helpful for them in order to get the pension and settle at home and take care of the health. To conclude, setting up the same
retirement
Use synonyms
 age for all the workers is not
an
Suggestion
a
 good idea. As each and every
workers
Suggestion
worker
are not doing
Suggestion
is not doing
 the same kind of job. Some may have less pressure and strain and vice versa. If
government
Suggestion
the government
a government
 imposes the
rule
Accept comma addition
rule, then
then
Linking Words
 certain people will get more affected mentally and physically at their 50's due to work pressure and strain and it may lead to death.
Submitted by ergbalachandar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: