IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that unpaid community services should be part of high school programs. To what extent do you agree?

#people #community #services #part #school #programs
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It is believed by
certain group
Suggestion
a certain group
 of individuals that children ought to be busy at all times,
thus
Linking Words
, free community services should be in
ulcated
Suggestion
locating
located
 in the secondary
school
Use synonyms
time tables
a schedule listing events and the times at which they will take place
timetables
. In my opinion, voluntary environmental services are quite
beneficial but
Accept comma addition
beneficial, but
, should only be considered at certain periods. One good reason to make unpaid services part of the high
school
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 curriculum is to keep them busy at all times
,
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,
as some people believe that most crimes are committed when a
child
Use synonyms
 is idle.
For example
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, if a
child
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 is busy with clearing of the bushes along the roads with others, there would not be enough free times for the
child
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 to think of any evil or crime to commit
such
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 as, picking of pockets.
On the other hand
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, other people found the suggestion as detrimental because
,
Accept space
,
they believe that involvement in
such
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 activity would prevent most children from studying well
,
Accept space
,
thereby performing poorly in their academics.
For example
Linking Words
, some children who are not doing so well in
school
Use synonyms
 would require much time to be taught and groomed well but, when included in
such
Linking Words
 extra activities would turn worse.
Finally
Linking Words
, in my view, voluntary activities for
school
Use synonyms
 pupils is beneficial, as it would help them to acquire some basic skills on how to do some works like, cutting of grasses and sweeping of the
environments but
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environments, but
,
this
Linking Words
 should be done only during holidays to avoid clashing with their academic and class works or becoming so much stress to any
child
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. In conclusion, there are merits and demerits of including
voluntary community
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voluntary, community
 services in high
school
Use synonyms
 programs but, if
period
Suggestion
the period
 of involvement is considered, it would be a plus
to
Suggestion
for
 many students.
Submitted by Esther on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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