IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below show the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below show the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #numbers #visitors #ashdown #museum #year #surveys #visit #two #period #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The given table
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 information about the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of people who visited Ashdown Museum before and after the
refurbished
Replace the word
refurbishment
show examples
 process that happened in the museum
while
Linking Words
 the supplied pie charts measure the level of satisfaction of the
visitors
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
both
Use synonyms
 times.
Overall
Linking Words
, comparing
both
Use synonyms
 pie charts,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the percentage of
visitors
Use synonyms
 who are pleased increased significantly
while
Linking Words
 the dissatisfaction level decreased.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 became
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
which can be seen in the supplied table. Before the enhancement, the
visitors
Use synonyms
 who voted satisfied
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 almost a
third
Linking Words
 of the total
visitors
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 15% voted extremely satisfied in the survey. Meanwhile,
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 figure of 40% shows dissatisfaction and
one tenth
Add a hyphen
one-tenth
show examples
very
Add a missing verb
is very
show examples
 dissatisfied. A tiny proportion of
visitors
Use synonyms
 did not participate in the survey.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the development almost doubled the
guests
Correct quantifier usage
number of guests
show examples
 who were very happy
while
Linking Words
satisfied
Correct article usage
the satisfied
show examples
 portion increased by 10% reaching 40%.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
both
Use synonyms
 dissatisfied and very dissatisfied dropped substantially to 15% and 10% respectively. Comparing
both
Use synonyms
 pie charts, the proportion of guests with no response stood at 5%
in in
Change preposition
at
show examples
both
Use synonyms
 times.
Submitted by ashraf.raziq on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, both with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • refurbishment
  • visitors
  • satisfaction surveys
  • trends
  • correlation
  • exhibits
  • facilities
  • service
  • overall experience
  • monthly distribution
  • peak season
  • off-season
  • visitor influx
  • satisfaction rate
  • enhancements
  • feedback
  • comparative analysis
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