Some people think that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sport starts are paid too much. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Which other type of job should be highly paid?

The entertainment industry has become a symbol of affluence. It is
therefore
not surprising that some individuals believe stars are outrageously paid. I completely agree with
this
opinion and I believe that professionals who are involved with the welfare of the people
such
as health personnel, farmers -to mention a few- should rather be paid more.
Firstly
, lavishing footballers, actors and musicians with so much money is synonymous to a waste of the nation’s resources.
This
is because, a lot of them affect the youths negatively with the way they flaunt
their wealth all
Suggestion
all their wealth
over social media and
this
has pushed a lot of young boys and girls into depression. The money
should
Accept comma addition
should, therefore
therefore
, be channeled into establishing University or college graduates in business. By so doing, most of them whose salary is meagre or without a job will benefit and live a better life.
For instance
, the government of Nigeria has slashed the monthly income of footballers by half and created business opportunities for interested youths,
thus
, taking them off the streets.
This
Accept comma addition
This, therefore
therefore
, has contributed to a reduction in the rate of unemployment.
Secondly
, reducing
income
Suggestion
the income
of stars in the entertainment industry will help to improve the overall health of the people.
This
can be achieved by increasing the income of health professionals as
this
will serve as a motivation for better commitment to their job.
In addition
, the people’s well being can
also
be improved by supporting farmers financially to boost their farm produce.
For example
, China’s investment in Agriculture has made them the highest importer of food products,
therefore
causing an improvement in their economy. In conclusion, investing in the welfare of the people with the wages allocated for star entertainers is more economical and will cause an overall turn around in the nation’s economy
Submitted by Dammy on

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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