IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In recent years, there has been growing interest in the relationship between equality and personal achievement. Some people believe that individuals can achieve more in egalitarian societies. Others believe that high levels of personal achievement are possible only if individuals are free to succeed or fail according to their individual merits. What is your view of the relationship between equality and personal success?

#years #interest #relationship #equality #achievement #people #individuals #societies #levels #merits #success
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In my opinion, an egalitarian
society
 is one in which everyone has the same rights and the same opportunities. I completely agree that people can achieve more in
this
 kind of
society
. Education is an important factor with regard to personal
success
 in life. I believe that all children should have access to free schooling, and higher education should be either free or affordable for all those who chose to pursue a university degree. In a
society
 without free schooling or affordable higher education, only children and young adults from wealthier families would have access to the best learning opportunities, and they would
therefore
 be better prepared for the job market.
This
 kind of inequality would ensure the
success
 of
some
one or some or every or all without specification
any
 but harm the prospects of others. I would argue that equal rights and opportunities are not in conflict with people’s freedom to succeed or fail.
In other words
, equality does not mean that people lose their motivation to succeed, or that they are not allowed to fail.
On the contrary
, I believe that most people would feel more motivated to work hard and reach their potential if they thought that they lived in a fair
society
. Those who did not make the same effort would know that they had wasted their opportunity. Inequality,
on the other hand
, would be more likely to
demotivate
 people because they would know that the odds of
success
 were stacked in favour of those from privileged backgrounds. In conclusion, it seems to me that there is a positive relationship between equality and personal
success
.
Submitted by moknolofye on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: