IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that it is better for school-leavers to start work immediately. Others say that to be successful, school-leavers should go to university first. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #school-leavers #work #university #first
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
Use synonyms
 say that there is no reason to spend
time
Use synonyms
 studying at the university, and alumni should work
instead
Linking Words
. Others think that
education
Use synonyms
 is necessary to have more career opportunities, and I strongly believe that
people
Use synonyms
 should study after school because
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 invested
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 secondary
education
Use synonyms
 leads to
well-paid
Add an article
the well-paid
show examples
 and high-skilled
profession
Fix the agreement mistake
professions
show examples
. The main benefit of being employed immediately after school is that
people
Use synonyms
 have first-hand experience, and they spend
time
Use synonyms
 building their careers rather than studying. There are plenty of occupations that do not require educational certificates, and it is more reasonable to spend
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 gaining skills. Bloggers and social media
infuencers
Correct your spelling
influencers
 are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example
Change the noun form
examples
show examples
 of
such
Linking Words
 jobs; they do not require completed
education
Use synonyms
, and it is reasonable for them to gain popularity and followers
instead
Linking Words
 of studying. Unfortunately, most professions require
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
 level of
education
Use synonyms
 and
people
Use synonyms
 cannot grow
profesionally
Correct your spelling
professionally
 without it. Not all
people
Use synonyms
 can be social media stars;
therefore
Linking Words
, studying is required for those who are not so lucky to be an influencer. It is well-known that in some areas career growth is strictly limited without a diploma. Educated professionals usually have bigger
income
Fix the agreement mistake
incomes
show examples
 than those who are not, and they
also
Linking Words
 grow faster. There
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been plenty of
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 in Ukrainian companies when ex-students were promoted after a short period of
time
Use synonyms
 only because they had
Correct article usage
the required
show examples
required
Correct article usage
the required
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it is necessary to have
educational
Add an article
an educational
show examples
 certificate in order to have more career opportunities and
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 salary. There are some professions that do not require
education
Use synonyms
 at all, but it is
rather
Change the article
rather an
show examples
 exception than a rule.
Submitted by rofusiwela on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that all parts of the task are fully addressed and develop the ideas more thoroughly.
coherence cohesion
Connect ideas more effectively and consider using more varied transition words and cohesive devices to improve coherence.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use a wider range of words and phrases to enhance the lexical resource.
grammatical range
Continue to work on sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range and more complex use of grammar.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: