IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree?

#prevention #health #illness #treatment #medicine #government
Government
 should invest more
money
 on
prevention
 of diseases rather than on treating them as the former is more important. I agree with it partially, because
prevention
 is more beneficial than
treatment
, but every disease cannot be prevented. It has been said that
prevention
 is better than cure. Today there are many life-threatening diseases and
government
spends
Suggestion
spending
 huge amount of
money
 to treat them.But if
same
Suggestion
the same money
money
 is utilised in preventing
such
 diseases, today there would have been
less number
Suggestion
a less number
 of
such
 cases and
government
 could have spared lots of its resources comparatively..
For example
, hypertension and diabetes are the major diseases in almost all countries of the world,
for
Suggestion
in
 which every nation spends almost around 30% of their healthcare budget.If that
money
 had been used
on
Suggestion
in
for
 preventing
such
 diseases, there would have been
less number
Suggestion
a least number
least number
 of cases and more savings.
On the other hand
, there are
handful
Suggestion
a handful
 of diseases which
can not
can not
cannot
 be prevented.In
such
cases
Accept comma addition
cases, treatment
treatment
 is the only option.
For instance
, genetic disorders like Alzheimers disease, Huntington's chorea and many more.
Such
 diseases will definitely be
transceded
beat severely with a whip or rod
trounced
 upon
deiseased
caused by or altered by or manifesting disease or pathology
diseased
deceased
 offsprings.So, in
such
cases
Accept comma addition
cases, treatment
treatment
 is the only option and
government
Suggestion
the government
 will have to spend
mone
the most common medium of exchange; functions as legal tender
money
 on it. In conclusion, I partially agree that
government
 should spend more
money
 on preventing diseases rather than on treating them as the former is more beneficial, but there are some diseases for which
prevention
 is
impossibe
not capable of occurring or being accomplished or dealt with
impossible
. And
treatment
 is the only option.
Submitted by smithpauljeremy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: