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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this. Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #people #work #travel #year #school #university #studies #reason
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Some of young students now are encouraged to join some work or going to an occasion for a year in between
end
Suggestion
the end
 of their schooling and beginning of university studies. In my
opinion
Accept comma addition
opinion, this
this
Linking Words
 is leads to get lacking in their studies and some of them are loosing interest
on
Suggestion
in
farther
to or at a greater extent or degree or a more advanced stage ('further' is used more often than 'farther' in this abstract sense)
further
 education. I think many of the students are continuing the
colleges
Suggestion
college
college's
life
Use synonyms
 after completing school that saving their
time
Use synonyms
 due to that.
Also
Linking Words
,
every
Suggestion
Every
 student wants to do the same since they don't get deviate in other activities. More than that they will complete their desired course at
right
Suggestion
the right time
time
Use synonyms
 and can do work on that easily. And they can reach their goals
at
Suggestion
in
 perfect
time
Use synonyms
. I want to share one person experience which I have seen, one of younger cousin immediately started his college after school with
perfect future plan
Suggestion
the perfect future plan
a perfect future plan
perfect future plans
 he was already decided what course want to study and which
job
Use synonyms
 he like to do everything with
perfect plan
Suggestion
a perfect plan
 by the end his dreams come true. In other
hand some
Accept comma addition
hand, some
 students are having long trip more over, few of them doing
Use synonyms
job
Suggestion
the job
a job
.
Well I
Accept comma addition
Well, I
 think doing
job
Use synonyms
 gives experience and make
person
Suggestion
people
the person
a person
 more
responsible but
Accept comma addition
responsible, but
, those
Use synonyms
job
Suggestion
jobs
 are just permitted to that level. Having a graduation degree
is very important in everyone's
Suggestion
is very important in everyone's life also given
also very important in everyone's life gives
is very important in everyone's life also give
life
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 give more respect in society. Some teenagers are addicted to travelling these
days but
Accept comma addition
days, but
it's all waste
Suggestion
it's all a waste
 of
time
Use synonyms
. Having fun in
life
Use synonyms
 is not
wrong but
Accept comma addition
wrong, but
 it
have
Suggestion
has
 some limits for it, if extended to peak it goes wrong.
More over
in addition
Moreover
, they loose concentration on studies. I have seen one of my schoolmate he is very rich in money that made him irresponsible, after completing our schooling we all started
college but
Accept comma addition
college, but
 he didn't, he
take
Suggestion
takes
 a long trip to different places after 1 year his parents asked him to join in University for Higher education but he just said I'm not interested in studies rather than I will do business. But now he is not doing any business or work. I conclude that taking long break after schooling makes some students lazy and their thoughts go beyond study because in that age we don't know what is
life
Use synonyms
 so parents want to guide them.
Linking Words
Finally continuing
Accept comma addition
Finally, continuing
farther
to or at a greater extent or degree or a more advanced stage ('further' is used more often than 'farther' in this abstract sense)
further
 studies without long break makes
person
Suggestion
a person
 perfect to reach their desired destination at
right
Suggestion
the right time
time
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Siresha on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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