IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #women #army #navy #air #force #men
Whether
women
 should be allowed to serve in the military has triggered
spirited
Correct article usage
a spirited
show examples
 debate. Some assert that the status quo should be changed and
women
 should be entitled to join the armed forces. Personally, I fundamentally agree with their
assertion-for
Correct your spelling
assertion for
show examples
 three reasons. History has shown that
women
 are fully capable of performing well in the military. Historically, there were a host of valiant
women
 soldiers whose achievements really put their male counterparts to shame. One need only look at the classic examples of Joan of Arc and Mulan to see how exceptionally
women
 could perform on the battlefield. In my observation, their determination, courage and dignity, to
this
 day, are still being admired by male soldiers and civilians alike throughout the world.
Moreover
, from an enlightened standpoint, female patriots should be granted the right to go to the front line when their motherland is involved in a war. Admittedly, gender inequality was a highly controversial issue in the twentieth century.
However
, now twelve years into the new millennium,
women
 can learn and teach, work and supervise, vote and
voted
Wrong verb form
vote
show examples
 in most countries just like men. In light of
this
 sweeping progress in gender equality, there is no sense in denying them the right to defend their home country when a war breaks out. In sum, keeping military services out of
bounds
Correct article usage
the bounds
show examples
 of
women
 in the information age is unwarranted. I have been convinced that it is in the best interest of a nation if
women
 are
also
 granted equal rights in
this
 particular arena.
Submitted by dpp.2325 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • combat roles
  • physical prowess
  • stamina
  • dynamics
  • cohesion
  • resilience
  • integration
  • gender disparities
  • morale
  • recruitment
  • retention
  • biological differences
  • stereotypes
  • feminism
  • glass ceiling
  • break barriers
  • pioneer
  • groundbreaking
What to do next:
Look at other essays: