IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

people sleep less than before in many countries. why do people sleep less ? what effect does it have on an individually and on sociaty ?

#people #countries #effect #sociaty
Although
 the exact mechanism
is not know
Suggestion
is not known
, sleep is vital
for
Suggestion
to
 all human beings. Increasing data from numerous publications have shown repeatedly the effects of sleep deprivation. And still, in
may
a quantifier that can be used with count nouns and is often preceded by 'as' or 'too' or 'so' or 'that'; amounting to a large but indefinite number
many
coutries
a politically organized body of people under a single government
countries
,
peole
(plural) any group of human beings (men or women or children) collectively
people
Poole
pole
 today sleep less in
comparisson
the act of examining resemblances
comparison
comparisons
 to previous years. Decreased sleeping
time
 and sleep disturbances leading to decreases sleeping quality may be due to several factors. Changes in working patterns leading to longer working hours and longer driving
time
 to the
work place
a place where work is done
workplace
 are common effects that happen in most of the metropolitan cities.
Furthermore
, mostly due to
economical
Suggestion
economic
 changes, people spend more
time
 in restaurants, concerts and other social events which reduce sleeping
time
 even more. The effects of sleep deprivation may have severe consequences. Sleeping less than 6
hour
Suggestion
hours
 a night is strongly related to serious medical conditions
such
 as high blood pressure and increased risk for heart attacks. More so, stress related psychological conditions
such
 as depression,
anxiaty
(psychiatry) a relatively permanent state of worry and nervousness occurring in a variety of mental disorders, usually accompanied by compulsive behavior or attacks of panic
anxiety
 and psychosis have all been associated with decreased sleep. Aside from the personal effects, these changes
also effects
Suggestion
also affect
also affects
 our
surroudings
the environmental condition
surroundings
. Increased sleep related
illnessess
impairment of normal physiological function affecting part or all of an organism
illnesses
illness
 lead to
higher burden
Suggestion
a higher burden
 on our hospitals and higher
expenssess
amounts paid for goods and services that may be currently tax deductible (as opposed to capital expenditures)
expenses
expense
 and increased stress lead to intolerance and even violence both of which can have grave consequences. In conclusion, proper sleeping
time
 effect us all. Both individually and as a
sociaty
an extended social group having a distinctive cultural and economic organization
society
 we should sleep more so we will be able to live a healthier and longer life.
Submitted by chilafp on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: