IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People sleep less than before in many countries. Why do people sleep less? What effect does it have on an individual and on society?

#people #countries #effect #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent times, a lot of people are deprived of sleep in many countries due to their
work
Use synonyms
 schedule and their overindulgence in watching television and surfing the internet.
This
Linking Words
 trend has deleterious consequences on an individual and the society. Some people sleep less today due to the nature of their job.
in
Suggestion
In
 order
word
Suggestion
words
, some of these people do shift
work
Use synonyms
 while others often
work
Use synonyms
 overtime. As an example, doctors, nurses and police officers do run eight to twelve hours shift duties because of the essential services they render.
As a result
Linking Words
, the normal
circadial
large voracious aquatic reptile having a long snout with massive jaws and sharp teeth and a body covered with bony plates; of sluggish tropical waters
crocodile
 rhythm of their body is disrupted resulting in sleep deprivation. More so, today, a lot of people spend more time watching television and staying online to interact with their friends on the social media,
thus
Linking Words
, they are often carried away by these activities late in the night, resulting in less sleeping time. A common effect of poor sleep on an individual is
stress
Suggestion
stressed
.
This
Linking Words
 often results in health problems
such
Linking Words
 as anxiety disorders, depression and cardiovascular complications.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the productivity of an individual with sleep deprivation often reduce,
thus
Linking Words
, causing
lost
a large number or amount
lots
 of job and livelihood.
This
Linking Words
 would not have occurred if
such
Linking Words
 people have adequate sleep.
In addition
Linking Words
, the society is faced with the burden of increased spending on health of individuals with poor sleeping habits.
As a result
Linking Words
, taxes on the productive
work
Use synonyms
 force in
Linking Words
such society is increased
Suggestion
such a society are increasing
such society are increasing
such society are increased
. To conclude, More people now sleep less due to their nature of their occupation and their indiscretion when online and while watching
televison
broadcasting visual images of stationary or moving objects
television
.
in
Suggestion
In
 order to reduce the undesirable effects of sleep deprivation, more time-off should be offered to workers on shift duties and people should be
encourage
Suggestion
encouraged
 to be more physically active.
Submitted by kbabayemisi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: