IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development?

#parents #pressure #children #reason #development
In
this
 competitive world, guardians are putting stress on their kids to achieve goals these days. Various factors contribute
such
behaviour including
Accept comma addition
behaviour, including
 expectations from parents to achieve targets by pupils. Many adverse effects have been observed with
this
 input which will be discussed in the following paragraphs. Competition to become
first
 in the race is the prime factor contributing burden on young kids these days. Potential of students is built by enhancing
pressure
 on them which helps kids to achieve
success
 in
life
 at various stages.
In addition
 to that, reputation in the society force students to take part in the competition irrespective of their interest.
For instance
, parents looking at the
success
 of other kids persuade them to put
pressure
 on their own kids to achieve
same
Suggestion
the same success
success
.
However
, more downsides are observed with the addition of
pressure
 on juvenile.
Rise
Suggestion
The rise
 in
pressure
 on kids
have effected
Suggestion
has affected
have affected
 them in various
ways including
Accept comma addition
ways, including
 psychological effects and stressful
life
. Young student’s
life
 has become more difficult and depressive. For illustration, suicide cases are very common in
news
Suggestion
the news
 these days with the increase in responsibility of achieving goals in schools or colleges. From the reports, 10 percent students die each year by committing suicide around the globe. In summary, nowadays, caretaker of
kids
Suggestion
the kids
are putting
Suggestion
is putting
 mental loads on them to have
success
 in every step. Parents are doing because of the competitive world and their status in the society.
Although
 it may help the kids to pass the test, but the stressful conditions made their
life
 more worsen and difficult to survive.
Submitted by clbhat54 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Excessive pressure
  • Academic achievements
  • Professional success
  • Secure future
  • Social comparison
  • Competitive environment
  • Psychological impact
  • Stress and anxiety
  • Resilience
  • Work ethic
  • Emotional well-being
  • Supportive parenting
  • Achievements
  • Life skills
  • Balance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: