Some countries have an ever-increasing proportion of the population who are aged 15 or younger. What do you think are the current and future effects of this trend for those countries?

The right proportion of the

population

Use synonyms

of all age groups is an important aspect of the social,

economical

Replace the word

economic

show examples

and

overall

Linking Words

growth of a

country

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

, in many

countries

Use synonyms

, the number of the younger

population

Use synonyms

who are less than 15 years old has increased significantly and to a certain extent,

this

Linking Words

has a detrimental effect on

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society

Use synonyms

workforce

Correct article usage

the workforce

show examples

and the

country

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

essay delves into the current and

future

Use synonyms

effects of

this

Linking Words

trend in

countries

Use synonyms

where

younger

Correct article usage

the younger

show examples

generation predominates the bigger portion of their

population

Use synonyms

. With

regards

Fix the agreement mistake

regard

show examples

to the current effect,

Remove the article

apply

show examples

increasing competition in schools is obvious. Since younger generations are mostly

school goers

Correct your spelling

schoolgoers

show examples

, parents would have to suffer to get their

children

Use synonyms

admitted

Change preposition

show examples

a good school

due to

Linking Words

excessive competition. Many poor parents would be forced to send their

children

Use synonyms

to work and earn and

this

Linking Words

will increase

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

child labour in many developing and underdeveloped

countries

Use synonyms

Finally

Linking Words

, the disproportion of

population

Use synonyms

age distribution in

such

Linking Words

countries

Use synonyms

will lead them to the scarcity of skilled

labours

Correct your spelling

labourers

show examples

and other professionals.

Finally

Linking Words

, since those

children

Use synonyms

are not earning members, that would negatively affect the

overall

Linking Words

economy of the

country

Use synonyms

. Increasing

younger

Correct article usage

the younger

show examples

population

Use synonyms

, though

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

mainly thought to bring negative effects to the

society

Use synonyms

and

country

Use synonyms

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

not always a burden. They can support their community, become better members of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society

Use synonyms

through positive competition and can contribute to the family by sharing the workload. Considering the

future

Use synonyms

effects of

this

Linking Words

trend, I believe that it would mostly depend on the economic factors and job facilities of a

country

Use synonyms

. If the

country

Use synonyms

has

Remove the article

apply

show examples

great economic stability and can create plenty of job opportunities in the

future

Use synonyms

, the under-aged

population

Use synonyms

now would become the de facto to the economy in the

future

Use synonyms

and that would enable the

country

Use synonyms

to develop rapidly. The

country

Use synonyms

will have a huge number of workers and professionals in the

future

Use synonyms

and they would be able to increase the GDP of

such

Linking Words

country

Use synonyms

On the contrary

Linking Words

, if the

country

Use synonyms

fails to ensure jobs and business

opportunity

Fix the agreement mistake

opportunities

show examples

when those

children

Use synonyms

will become adults, the outcome would be catastrophic. The unemployment and crime rate would surely increase and that would negatively affect the

society

Use synonyms

To conclude

Linking Words

although

Linking Words

a right proportion of

population

Use synonyms

age distribution is necessary,

this

Linking Words

is not the case in many

countries

Use synonyms

. Based on a

Use synonyms

countries

Change noun form

country's

show examples

economic condition, education, training, and job facilities, the increasing younger generation can be a great asset or burden.

nguyenpro1000

Jun 23, 2019

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task achievement

While the essay competently addresses the task and provides a complete response, it would be beneficial to include more specific examples to support the arguments. This would help to make the points even more persuasive.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a logical structure with clear introduction and conclusion paragraphs. However, ensure that all points are fully elaborated and interconnected for even greater cohesion. Consider using more transition words to guide the reader smoothly through the arguments.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in presenting and summarizing the main ideas effectively.

task achievement

The essay thoroughly addresses the task and covers both current and future effects of the described trend.

coherence cohesion

Ideas are presented clearly and logically, making it easy for the reader to follow the arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

409 words

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Some countries have an ever-increasing proportion of the population who are aged 15 or younger. What do you think are the current and future effects of this trend for those countries?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think news has no connection to people's lives, so it is a waste of time to read the news in newspapers and watch television news programs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

some people believe that the use of books has passed, while other believe there is still hope. disciuss both views and give your opinion