The growth in crime among teenagers can be attributed to an increase in the use of violent video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#growth #crime #teenagers #video #games

What is the most effective factor regarding boost young

crime

commitment

rate

? While some people believe that crucial visual computer games have highlighted role in

increasing

Suggestion

the increasing crime rate

increasing crime rate

crime

’s

rate

among youngsters, I believe that there are more important factors

such

as family’s problem and financial issue which motivate teenagers to commit any

crime

. In

this

essay, I will explain in more details. On the one hand, family has a significant role to prevent

crime

commitment

Suggestion

commission

by young generation with applying a proper growing up discipline.

However

, families can play a negative role which expedites

this

trend significantly.

For example

, divorce has been known as one of the most vital factors which can

influences

Suggestion

influence

teenagers’

behaviors

manner of acting or controlling yourself

behaviours

behaviour

crime

commitment

is one of the consequences of

this

disaster.

As a result

, a child who has faced with terrible challenges in his life has more potential to be attracted by criminal groups.

In addition

, financial problem is another undeniable factor which should be taken into account.

On the other hand

, based on the famous expression which says that “Money talks”, financial issue is considered in the

second

place to investigate root cause of high youngsters’

crime

commitment

rate

. Because in all

societies

Suggestion

society

money constructs the infrastructures of human’s life and in case it’s absence, human will face with a bunch of problems. So, teenagers are not excepted from

this

fact.

Therefore

, they will be motivated to do some

crime

such

as robbery or shoplifting to provide their needs. In conclusion, I strongly disagree with the opinion which has mentioned that crucial video games can effect

increasing

Suggestion

the increasing crime commitment rate

crime

commitment

rate

among teenagers. Because

this

essay illustrated two vital factors like financial problems and family which they significantly influence

this

trend.

Submitted by mojtaba.1986.nasiri on Tue Jun 25 2019

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

284 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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