IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The tendency of human being to copy one another is shown in the popularity of fashion clothes and consumer goods. To what extent do you agree?

#tendency #copy #popularity #fashion #clothes #consumer #goods
Nowadays, humanity seems to show a natural propensity of emulating people around
iteven
Suggestion
it even
 if they are not the perfect role models.
This
 phenomenon can be seen
throughgarments
Suggestion
through garments
 and items used. From my perspective, people try to become what they see
atother
Suggestion
at other
 persons all the time. On the one hand, I strongly agree with the given topic that the appearance of
peopleand
Suggestion
people and
 their products are
imitating
Suggestion
imitated
 by each other because they what they do not possess
,
Accept space
,
and sometimes they do not really need them.
For example
, the latest phone which every
people
Suggestion
person
wish
Suggestion
wishes
 to be treated with one, if people
,
Accept space
,
especially younger generation sees it at a
closest
Suggestion
close
 friend,
then
 would
persuaded
Suggestion
persuade
 to take one.
Thus
, they
ending
Suggestion
end
are ending
 up in being in debt.
On the other hand
, it seems to me that the potential problem which is concurring at
thisphenomenon
Suggestion
this phenomenon
 is high-street names because they have a critical impact toward
peopleregarding
Suggestion
people regarding
 their style of clothing and consumerism. For instance, they launch
everyseason
Suggestion
every season
 a newly-limited collection of a particular type of good which
persuadesindividuals
Suggestion
persuades individuals
 to buy it.
Therefore
, people are lured into wearing the same clothes or
usingthe
Suggestion
using the
 same technology.
Furthermore
, fashion shops and fashion shows underlying imitation because
theypromote
Suggestion
they promote
 some outfits on the catwalk, triggering the wish of buying them,
although
someclothes
Suggestion
some clothes
 cannot be worn in the real life.
This
 kind of advertisement plays a huge role
intothe
Suggestion
in the
into the
 development of copying.
Thus people
Accept comma addition
Thus, people
 buy what they see on at others not what
theyreally
Suggestion
they really
 like or need. To draw up a conclusion, people are inclined to possessing the same products due
todesire
Suggestion
to the desire
to desire
 of being much better than others. I wholeheartedly believe that
this
 trend
shouldbe
Suggestion
should be
 changed because people should be unique and satisfy their fundamental needs
thantheir
Suggestion
than their
 greed of having more than other persons
Submitted by edelaidapodasca on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: