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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Figures show that some countries have an ever-increasing proportion of the population who are aged 15 or younger. What do you think are the current and future effects of this trend for those countries?

Figures show that some countries have an ever-increasing proportion of the population who are aged 15 or younger. What do you think are the current and future effects of this trend for those countries?
#figures #show #countries #proportion #population #future #effects #trend
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Right
Add an article
The right
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 proportion of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 of all age groups is an important aspect
for
Change preposition
of
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 the social,
economical
Replace the word
economic
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 and
overall
 growth of a
country
.
However
, in many
countries
 the number of younger
population
 who are less than 15 years old has increased significantly and to a certain extent
this
 has a detrimental effect on the
society
, workforce and the
country
.
This
 essay delves
with
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the current and
future
 effects of
this
 trend in
countries
 where
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
 generation predominates the bigger portion of their
population
. With
regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard
show examples
 to the current effect,
an
Remove the article
apply
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increasing competition in schools is obvious. Since younger generations are mostly
school goers
Correct your spelling
schoolgoers
show examples
, parents would have to suffer to get their
children
 admitted
in
Change preposition
to
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 a good school
due to
 excessive competition. Many poor parents would be forced to send their
children
 to work and earn and
this
 will increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
child labour in many developing and underdeveloped
countries
.
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
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 the disproportion of
population
 age distribution in
such
countries
 will lead
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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to the scarcity of skilled
labours
Correct your spelling
labourers
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 and other professionals.
Finally
, since those
children
 are not earning members, that would negatively affect the
overall
 economy of the
country
. Increasing
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
population
, though
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
mainly thought to bring negative effects to the
society
 and
country
,
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not always a burden. They can support their community, become better members of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 through positive competition and can contribute to the family by sharing the workload. Considering the
future
 effects of
this
 trend, I believe that it would mostly depend on the economic factors and job facilities of a
country
. If the
country
 has
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
great economic stability and can create plenty of job opportunities in the
future
, the under-aged
population
 now would become the de facto to the economy in the
future
 and that would enable the
country
 to develop rapidly. The
country
 will have a huge
workers
Correct quantifier usage
number of workers
show examples
 and professionals in the
future
 and they
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 be able to increase the GDP of
such
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
country
.
On the contrary
, if the
country
 fails to ensure jobs and business
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 when those
children
 will become adults, the outcome would be catastrophic. The unemployment and crime rate would surely increase and that would negatively affect the
society
.
To conclude
,
although
 a right proportion of
population
 age distribution is necessary,
this
 is not the case in many
countries
. Based on a
countries
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 economic condition, education, training, and job facilities, the increasing younger generation can be a great
asses
Correct your spelling
asset
show examples
 or burden.
Submitted by rggdwwjduwhnwwd on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally, overall, such".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, country, countries, society, future, children with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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