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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Figures show that some countries have an ever-increasing proportion of the population who are aged 15 or younger. What do you think are the current and future effects of this trend for those countries?

Figures show that some countries have an ever-increasing proportion of the population who are aged 15 or younger. What do you think are the current and future effects of this trend for those countries?
#figures #show #countries #proportion #population #future #effects #trend
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Right
Add an article
The right
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 proportion of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
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 of all age groups is an important aspect
for
Change preposition
of
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 the social,
economical
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economic
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 and
overall
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 growth of a
country
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.
However
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, in many
countries
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 the number of younger
population
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 who are less than 15 years old has increased significantly and to a certain extent
this
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 has a detrimental effect on the
society
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, workforce and the
country
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay delves
with
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into
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 the current and
future
Use synonyms
 effects of
this
Linking Words
 trend in
countries
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 where
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
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 generation predominates the bigger portion of their
population
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. With
regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard
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 to the current effect,
an
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apply
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increasing competition in schools is obvious. Since younger generations are mostly
school goers
Correct your spelling
schoolgoers
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, parents would have to suffer to get their
children
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 admitted
in
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to
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 a good school
due to
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 excessive competition. Many poor parents would be forced to send their
children
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 to work and earn and
this
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 will increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
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child labour in many developing and underdeveloped
countries
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.
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Finally
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Finally,
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 the disproportion of
population
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 age distribution in
such
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countries
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 will lead
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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to the scarcity of skilled
labours
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labourers
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 and other professionals.
Finally
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, since those
children
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 are not earning members, that would negatively affect the
overall
Linking Words
 economy of the
country
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. Increasing
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
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population
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, though
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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mainly thought to bring negative effects to the
society
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 and
country
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,
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 not always a burden. They can support their community, become better members of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
Use synonyms
 through positive competition and can contribute to the family by sharing the workload. Considering the
future
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 effects of
this
Linking Words
 trend, I believe that it would mostly depend on the economic factors and job facilities of a
country
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. If the
country
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 has
a
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apply
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great economic stability and can create plenty of job opportunities in the
future
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, the under-aged
population
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 now would become the de facto to the economy in the
future
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 and that would enable the
country
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 to develop rapidly. The
country
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 will have a huge
workers
Correct quantifier usage
number of workers
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 and professionals in the
future
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 and they
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 be able to increase the GDP of
such
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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country
Use synonyms
.
On the contrary
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, if the
country
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 fails to ensure jobs and business
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
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 when those
children
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 will become adults, the outcome would be catastrophic. The unemployment and crime rate would surely increase and that would negatively affect the
society
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.
To conclude
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,
although
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 a right proportion of
population
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 age distribution is necessary,
this
Linking Words
 is not the case in many
countries
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. Based on a
Use synonyms
countries
Change noun form
country's
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 economic condition, education, training, and job facilities, the increasing younger generation can be a great
asses
Correct your spelling
asset
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 or burden.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally, overall, such".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, country, countries, society, future, children with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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