IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Small businesses should avoid recruiting young women who do not have their own family in order to avoid paying maternity leave later on. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#businesses #women #maternity
It is considered that corporations ought to not recruit young females who do not have their own family, so that they would not be liable to pay them in their maternity leave later on. I completely disagree with
this
 notion, as young women are energetic and some departments would not be able to run without them. Companies should recruit young women since they are more energetic and competitive. Females who are in their young age can work for long hours in the workforce environment for the betterment of the organization they are working for.
Similarly
, young females are
hardworking
Suggestion
hard working
, due to their
advance
Suggestion
advanced
 education, and can cope with an arduous situation relating to the functions or tasks at
office
Suggestion
the office
. A report
by
Suggestion
from
 the Harvard University in 2018 showed that women in their 20-29 age group are more
achieving
Suggestion
achievable
 and possessing the higher stamina for
working longer time at
Suggestion
long time working in
working longer time in
working long time in
working longer time on
working long time at
 the workforce environment.
Therefore
, corporations should consider young females in the recruitment process. Another reason that corporations should recruit young females because they may not be able to run some departments without them. There are some areas which can be managed
sophisticatedly
 by the presence of young female workers. Customer Relationship department,
for instance
, could be run better if it consists of female customer officers, owing to the fact that customer care and queries can be proficiently managed by them.
Thus
, companies should make sure to take young women workers due to their inevitable role in some departments. In conclusion, it is argued that young women who do not have their family should not be taken into consideration in the recruitment process, owing to the paid maternity leave given to them. Whereas, I fully disagree with
this
 concept, as young female workers are more energetic and enduring, and some areas could not be managed without them.
Submitted by srehaan59 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: