IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree?

#prevention #health #illness #treatment #medicine #government
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Most people believe that spending government's
money
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 on taking care of people's health and preventing them from diseases is much essential than paying
money
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 to treat people who are suffering from dangerous diseases.
This
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 essay will mention the importance of paying
money
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 to help ill people. At the very beginning, I believe that helping poor people and offering them
money
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 for their treatment is much better than giving them to people who are living happily and do not need that
money
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 just to prevent themselves from illness.
For example
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, offering a poor family, who has an ill father facing a deadly disease,
this
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money
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 to buy medicines and visit the doctor is more important
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then
conjunction used in comparatives
than
 giving
this
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 portion of dollars to a family
that is
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 not having any problems and do not need
this
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money
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 badly.
On the other hand
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, some families inherit some diseases from their grandparents, if they did not treat themselves from the beginning, the problem may increase and may end up with the death of that person. As well
as, some families
Suggestion
, as some families
 do not have someone to spend
money
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 on them,
instead
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 kids work to afford the expenses of life. Those families are worth the
money
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 to spend on them if they have a sick member. But, that does not mean that the government should not pay part of the
money
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 on healthy food and take care of the population's health even if it cost them an arm and a leg.
This
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 is the responsibility of the authority to make sure that their society
are getting
Suggestion
is getting
 a good and healthy food. At the end, I would like to ask everyone who is having a good health and can pay part of his/her salary to help poor people and sick individuals. We are all one group and one body, so we should help each others, and stand beside each other in good and bad times.
Submitted by maialkadra79 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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