IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people prefer to watch foreign films rather than locally produced films. Why this could be? Should government give more financial support to local film industries?

#people #films #government #support #film #industries
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Watching international films is being preferred by many individuals rather that the local ones.
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this
Suggestion
This
 could be because people are inquisitive about other cultures and local movies seem boring to them. In my opinion, government should not divert funds towards local film Industries owing to the need of financial resources in other important areas requiring immediate concern. One reason why people like watching non native films is that people want to know about cultures other than their own.
In other words
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, people are keen on understanding and picking up good things from other cultures so as to bring about changes in their own cultures.
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for
Suggestion
For
 instance
,
Accept space
,
 western outfits have become so common in many developing countries.
As a result
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,
ones
Suggestion
one
one's
 culture is getting diversified and people are happy embracing these small changes. Another aspect may be that people are bored of locally produced pictures as they have
same stories
Suggestion
the same stories
 and are addressing
same issues
Suggestion
the same issues
 which are present in
ones
Suggestion
one's
one
 society,
such
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 as poverty, politics, unemployment.
Therefore
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, these pictures seem monotonous to locals.
people
Suggestion
People
 find foreign movies fascinating as they are entirely different. Take
for example
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,
Accept space
,
 foreign movies featuring space exploration and robots is being liked by many
.
Accept space
.
 In my opinion, diverting capital towards local film industry is unnecessary as
this
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 would mean channelising resources from other areas towards entertainment.
In other words
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, there are so many problems which encumber most countries
,
Accept space
,
such
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 as poverty, unemployment, education and health, which call for urgent attention as they affect the very existence of mankind.So spending money on entertainment is not justified in any way at the expense of these basic issues. To conclude, people view international movies to enrich their knowledge of other cultures and to do away with
monotony
Suggestion
the monotony
 in their lives
.
Accept space
.
 It is not reasonable for
government
Suggestion
the government
 to support local film industries financially owing to other important issues
prevelant
most frequent or common
prevalent
 in societies which should be addressed urgently for the betterment of the society.
Submitted by Serhii Baraniuk on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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