IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

These days many children spend a great deal of time sitting in from of a television. Some people believe that parents should strictly limit the time that children spend watching TV as it is harmful to their development. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#children #time #television #people #parents #limit #tv #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
modernt world
Suggestion
the modern world
modern world
, it can be seen that kids watch
TV
Use synonyms
 a considerable
time
Use synonyms
 a day. Regarding
this
Linking Words
, there is an opinion among some that his mother & father is responsible for controlling his
kid
Use synonyms
 on
television
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is highly agreeable as addicting to the
television
Use synonyms
 programs could affect on the future of little ones
regatively
in a relative manner; by comparison to something else
relatively
. One, and the most
abvious
easily perceived by the senses or grasped by the mind
obvious
 reason why the said opinion is true is that children tend to move away from their studies with
TV
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
. Some kids have made their habit
to
Suggestion
of
 sitting in front
off
connects a noun with the preceding word
of
 the
Use synonyms
tV
Suggestion
TV
tv
 right after coming from schools. Some even take their meals in front of it.
Linking Words
Therefore they
Accept comma addition
Therefore, they
 will not have
adiquate
having the requisite qualities or resources to meet a task
adequate
time
Use synonyms
 to spend on homework of the day. That could lead to an extreme fall in their education in
alder
advanced in years; ('aged' is pronounced as two syllables)
older
elder
 ages.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, it has been proven that
television
Use synonyms
 sets emit harmful rays from the screen. Exposing to those rays would lead to
damage retina
Suggestion
the damage retina
 of
eyes
Suggestion
the eyes
, according to studies. It is commonly seen that youngsters watch
TV
Use synonyms
 as their eyes glued to the screen, not being at a safe distance from the
TV
Use synonyms
 set. Parents should observe and take it seriously so that the
life-like
evoking lifelike images within the mind
lifelike
lifeline
 eyes of their
kid
Use synonyms
 could be
proteted
kept safe or defended from danger or injury or loss
protected
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
television
Use synonyms
 programs are education programs which give an extra support on children's subjects.
However
Linking Words
, since those programs are telecasted rarely, it cannot be given a considerable value. If
such
Linking Words
 a program must be watched, parents should be keen on letting the
kid
Use synonyms
to watch
Suggestion
watch
 those programs only.
For example
Linking Words
, if the teacher had instructed to watch an environmental
documentry
a film or TV program presenting the facts about a person or event
documentary
, the parent should get informed and let the child watch. Even the parent could sit with him and explain it to the child. In conclusion, the
television
Use synonyms
 could lead to a harm than a
benifit
financial assistance in time of need
benefit
 to the progress of a child. Though there are some
valueable
having great material or monetary value especially for use or exchange
valuable
 programs on
TV
Use synonyms
, parents should control the
kid
Use synonyms
 watching if properly, only for a strictly limited
time
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the opinion said is heavily agreeable.
Submitted by kassae6 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: