IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

These days, many jobs require people to travel and this is disrupting many families. What effects do traveling parents have on their children?

#jobs #people #travel #families #effects #parents #children
With globalization and a common business culture encroaching among/on every corner of the world,
work related
Add a hyphen
work-related
show examples
 travel is becoming increasingly prevalent.
Although
this
 may be positive for international economies, the effect
this
 trend has on
parentchild
Correct your spelling
parent-child
parent child
relationships is questionable. It is argued that
parents
 who/
whom
Change the pronoun
who
show examples
spend excessive amounts of time away from home negatively influence the development of their
children
.
This
 will be shown by looking
amid
Change preposition
apply
show examples
/at the need
children
 have for both a stable household structure and regular interaction with a positive adult role model. For one, disruption
upon
Change preposition
apply
show examples
/of a nuclear family’s household structure can have devastating effects on a child’s educational pursuits.
For example
, a recent American study revealed that
children
 living with single
parents
 were 30% less likely to enroll in/into university than
children
 living within traditional
two parent
Add a hyphen
two-parent
show examples
 homes. As
this
 example shows a clear link between parental absence and the lowering of a child’s academic
successes
Fix the agreement mistake
success
show examples
, it is easy to see that
children
 of
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
parents
 are at risk of underperforming in their studies.
Thus
, the drawbacks
work related
Add a hyphen
work-related
show examples
 travel has/
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
on parent-child relationships can be seen.
In addition
 to
this
, when their
parents
 travel,
children
 are deprived
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
/from regular interaction with a positive adult role model. Without supervision, young people
all
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
/greatly too often turn to television for stimulation. The effect
this
 has
towards
Change preposition
apply
show examples
/on the development of a child’s mental health can be seen among some Canadian families, where
teenaged
Correct your spelling
teenage
show examples
children
 show clear signs of lethargy, indifference and late mental maturity.
Thus
, the negative ramifications that result from/
aboard
Change preposition
apply
show examples
absent
parents
 are obvious. After looking at the poor influence
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 mothers and fathers have on their offspring,
it is clear that
parents
 are best to minimize the amount of time they spend away from their homes.
Submitted by u.sama2009 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: