The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #education #lessons #school #curriculum

The increasing number of obese people

are

Suggestion

an alarming sign in

this

contemporary era.

many

Suggestion

Many

opine that, physical

education

lessons should be part of school curriculum to

com bat

an engagement fought between two military forces

combat

health related issues caused by overweight population. In my opinion, physical

education

lessons should be taught at academic level. Owing to increase consumption of unhealthy foods number of obese people are increasing. To overcome

detoriating

become worse or disintegrate

deteriorating

health system problems, the importance of physical

education

must be instill

Suggestion

must instill

at junior level. As children are eager to learn new things and adopt

healthy life style

Suggestion

a healthy lifestyle

healthy lifestyle

healthy lifestyles

For instance

, many schools in Pakistan have allocated fix time to create awareness among

youngones

Suggestion

young ones

Stastics

Suggestion

Statistics

revealed around seventy five percent of people vigilantly

excercise

the activity of exerting your muscles in various ways to keep fit

exercise

daily to live

healthy life

Suggestion

a healthy life

healthy lives

and follow

this

routine from childhood.

Moreover

, academic activities

begets

awareness in society. Healthy sports

compitions

a business relation in which two parties compete to gain customers

competitions

among

pupills

a learner who is enrolled in an educational institution

pupils

motivate them to keep themselves happy. Ultimately,

this

motivation is transferred to family and society, as

parent

Suggestion

parents

a parent

not only

listen

perceive (sound) via the auditory sense

hear

them,

in addition

, they try to create

healthy environment

Suggestion

a healthy environment

for them.

In other words

, In our school sports week used to

held

Suggestion

hold

every year,

studets

a learner who is enrolled in an educational institution

students

were enthusiastic

beacause

for the reason that; on account of

because

of attractive prizes for

winner

Suggestion

winners

the winner

THIS

HAS POSITIVE IMPACT ON FAMILLIES AND YOUNG counterparts, as it leads to

adoption

Suggestion

the adoption

healthy lifestyle

Suggestion

a healthy lifestyle

. Along with

excercise eating

Accept comma addition

exercise, eating

exercise eating

healthy food was encouraged to stay fit. One clear example is my grandparent motivated me to keep myself healthy for

annual sports week

Suggestion

an annual sports week

the annual sports week

by drinking milk To conclude, In my view, to decrease

burden

Suggestion

the burden

of overweight people on

healthcare system

Suggestion

healthcare systems

the healthcare system

, school curriculum must include physical

education

classes.

Furthermore

this

approach will be necessary in foreseeable future.

Submitted by sumera on Tue Jul 16 2019

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

268 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.5

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Some people think that people in senior positions alone should make decisions in a business, while others think that employees should be involved in the decision-making process too. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people prefer to carefully plan activities in their free time others think it’s a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your answer?

Some people argue that space exploration has had more to do with national pride than international effort. To what extent do you agree with this? How do you think space exploration will change in the future?