It is often said that retirement is the happiest time of a person’s life. How far do you agree with this view?

#retirement #time #person’s #life

In many countries, the population is ageing consistently, and

this

presents the older

people

themselves with challenges

as well as

opportunities. It seems to me that

retirement

is not in fact the most contented period of life, and I will explain why in

this

essay.

Firstly

, retired

people

have to contend with the major issue of

health

. No matter how optimistic a person is, and how conscientiously they try to keep fit, their

health

will inevitably decline as they grow older.

This

affects their mobility, their ability to interact with

people

, and their physical comfort when compared to the earlier stages of their life. A second negative factor is the whole question of finance. By

this

Add a comma

this,

show examples

we mean that even

people

who have saved or invested carefully during their working lives will find their income in

retirement

reduced considerably,

for example

by relying on savings.

This

results in their leisure options being more restricted than in their younger years, even though they have more time to fill.

This

leads us

Change preposition

apply

show examples

to the final, and perhaps most significant drawback to

retirement

, which is isolation.

This

happens when declining

health

and limited resources make

people

increasingly

cut-off

Correct your spelling

cut off

show examples

, even if they have surviving family members who seek to care for them.

However

much the family (or neighbours and social services) may offer support,

this

lack of contact will lead progressively to a less contented frame of mind. It is true that there are some positives to

retirement

, most notably the time to pursue personal interests and the presence of grandchildren in many cases. Despite

this

, it seems that for many older

people

, these pleasures are outweighed by issues which can cause stress and depression.

To conclude

, the problems of

health

, financial concerns and isolation combine together to make

retirement

a challenging and potentially difficult time for many, especially when compared to the prime period of life.

This

is not to say that all retired

people

suffer in

this

way, but it appears to be the case very frequently.

Submitted by khaldoun198 on Wed Jul 17 2019

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

1 paragraphs

336 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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It is often said that retirement is the happiest time of a person’s life. How far do you agree with this view?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

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In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

In the past, most people worked for small businesses, while more people now work for large businesses. What are the advantages and disadvantages of working for large businesses?

In many countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?