IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

"preventionn is better than cure"Researching and treating diseases is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventative measures. to what extent do you agree?

#preventionn #cure #diseases #measures
Owing to the advent of the medical field
,
Accept space
,
most of the people believe in immediate results either it is relating to medicines or
acheiving
to gain with effort
achieving
 the aims.
However
,
Accept space
,
 taking precautions is
lawys
at all times; all the time and on every occasion
always
 better than painful or exorbitant treatments
.
Accept space
.
 In my opinion, people should be given preference to preventative techniques
instead
 of curing the illness.
one
Suggestion
One
 primary reason to believe in these adages is that hard-earned money is a
valueable
having great material or monetary value especially for use or exchange
valuable
 thing to everyone
.
Accept space
.
Therefore
, people would give importance to take the prevention. It appears that by giving some money and
time
 to
heakth
a healthy state of wellbeing free from disease
health
 can bring an enormous advantages to human bodies.
For instance
, daily 20 minutes of rapid walk can shield the people from various chronic diseases as
wella
Suggestion
well a
smaintain
keep in a certain state, position, or activity; e.g., "keep clean"
maintain
s maintain
 the balanced body weight
.
Accept space
.
 Another point to consider is related to saving the individuals
time
 and money
.
Accept space
.
Money can be spent in severe
health
conditions but
Accept comma addition
conditions, but
 the
time
 which people devote during the treatment of illness
,
Accept space
,
cannot be recalled
,
Accept space
,
which in turn, decline the productivity and efficiency of the patient
.
Accept space
.
Hence
,
Accept space
,
 by becoming a little
health
 conscious person
,
Accept space
,
 everyone can protect one's
health
 from
virsuses
(virology) ultramicroscopic infectious agent that replicates itself only within cells of living hosts; many are pathogenic; a piece of nucleic acid (DNA or RNA) wrapped in a thin coat of protein
viruses
 and bacteria. It appears that costly treatments could be used only when the illness becomes unbearable and decreasing the people's life-expectancy
.
Accept space
.
 Through
,
Accept space
,
 caring and proper nurturing
,
Accept space
,
 society can
also
 save the
health
 sector budgets of the government as well as government can get a chance to use it on the other important areas like education
,
Accept space
,
employement
the state of being employed or having a job
employment
.
Accept space
.
 To conclude
,
Accept space
,
although
 the medical drugs can bring a tremendous
benefits
Suggestion
benefit
 to people
,
Accept space
,
 yet
,
Accept space
,
 people should
given
Suggestion
give
 some
time
 to their
health
 and may live longer than expected.
Submitted by amanpreetpetu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: