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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the types of transport used by tourists who visited New Zealand from five countries in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the types of transport used by tourists who visited New Zealand from five countries in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The provided column graph reveals a comparative study regarding the visitors who came from five nations
used
Correct pronoun usage
who used
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 the various transportation modes for travelling to New
Zeland
Correct your spelling
Zealand
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 in 2004.
Unit
Add an article
The unit
show examples
 was measured in percentage.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly observed that
Use synonyms
Japanese
Correct article usage
the Japanese
show examples
 travelled mostly by
car
Use synonyms
.
Whilist
Correct your spelling
Whilst
While
, the other visitors preferred the
car
Use synonyms
 the most. Now, turning to the statistics, the highest number of
british
Change the capitalization
British
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 tourists travelled by
car
Use synonyms
 which was 60% among the other tourists, and around 36%
Change preposition
of british
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british
Change the capitalization
British
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 people preferred air and ferry for travelling.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the number of
british
Change the capitalization
British
show examples
 and german visitors was about 19%. The approximately 52%
german
Change preposition
of german
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 used
Use synonyms
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
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,
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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higher than
ferry
Fix the agreement mistake
ferries
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 by 4%.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 ratio was almost half in air transportation and coach was used by 20% german. There was seen a
decrease
Change the verb form
decreasing
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 trend in air and coach
transportationn
Correct your spelling
transportation
 in
proportion
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the proportion
a proportion
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 of
Japanese
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, Korean and Australian. Now moving towards the remaining information, the number of
Japanese
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 and Korean tourists was the least which accounted for around 10% and in
car
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 transportation,
Correct article usage
a fluactuation
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fluactuation
Correct your spelling
fluctuation
fluctuations
 trend was observed in
Use synonyms
Japanese
Replace the word
Japan
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,
Korean
Correct your spelling
Korea
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 and
Australian
Correct your spelling
Australia
show examples
.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words japanese, car with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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