Some people think that sports involving violence, such as boxing and martial arts, should be banned from TV as well as from international sporting competitions. To what extent do you agree?

#people #sports #violence #arts #tv #competitions

Nowadays, it is undoubted that sports involving

violence

Accept comma addition

violence, such

such

as boxing and martial arts have a wide coverage from media to international competitions, which has been a controversial problem. Some individuals claim that

this

genre of

sport

ought to be prohibited due to its negative influences on the society.

Nevertheless

, I wholeheartedly believe

this

statement is awfully wrongheaded. To commence with,

this

policy will definitely exert a negative impact on human beings’ development. A great number of people in the world have a passion for these sports, which make them willingly apply themselves to develop skills and capacities with the aim of achieving their dream jobs.

As a result

, if there is a veto on their jobs,

people especially

Accept comma addition

people, especially

juvenility will have to suffer from frustration and depression and find it difficult to start a completely new career.

Furthermore

, there is no denying that a ban on brutal sports will lead to a significant fall in the national economy.

Initially

, people working in that field will be made redundant, which is a factor for an increasing rate of unemployment.

Therefore

, the government has to spend a great deal of money with a view to providing more social welfare.

In addition

, imposing the strict restriction on rough

sports

spots before the eyes caused by opaque cell fragments in the vitreous humor and lens

spots

will disrupt the diversity of sports.

This

situation will lead to a significant decrease in the number of spectators of

sport

channels along with many

sport

competitions and

consequently

, the profit of each

sport

clubs

Suggestion

club

. There is a likelihood that many nations will have to suffer from an economic crisis on the grounds that violent sports make

Suggestion

enormous contribution to the GDP of that country. To sum up, I totally believe that dangerous sports should not be forbidden.

Submitted by surekhak458 on Tue Jul 23 2019

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Fully explain your ideas

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

286 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

combat sports
glorification of violence
impressionable audiences
cultural heritage
self-discipline
sportsmanship
media portrayal
regulatory measures
censorship
psychological impact
broadcasting regulations
watershed timing
advocates and opponents
ethical considerations
economic implications

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Some people think that sports involving violence, such as boxing and martial arts, should be banned from TV as well as from international sporting competitions. To what extent do you agree?

Fully explain your ideas

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