IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Question- Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#question- #people #music #cultures #ages
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days, people are listening to not only local but
also
Linking Words
 international musics,
therefore
Linking Words
, it is often believed that
music
Use synonyms
 can make all people together regardless of culture and age. Personally, I think it is not feasible to create the type of
music
Use synonyms
 which is well-suited to all
ages
Accept comma addition
ages, although
although
Linking Words
 it would act as a medium to connect people having their own unique cultures, and I will support my opinion in
this
Linking Words
 essay. The main reason why
music
Use synonyms
 can make people having different customs become the one is that it is the art that every country possesses and that can make people motivated, charitable and energetic.
That is
Linking Words
 why the competition in which players from many countries are
participated
Suggestion
participating
, usually yield an official anthem to let players and audiences from separate destinations dance and react to. Waka Waka, the official song for the 2010 FIFA World Cup, is one of the best examples because football enthusiasms from all over the world were significantly influenced by the lyrics and the rhythm during
this
Linking Words
 period. Bridging between two extreme age groups with
music
Use synonyms
 is assumed to be impossible for a number of reasons. One major contributing point is that people are more interested in the genre of
music
Use synonyms
 which was trending in their young
age while
Accept comma addition
age, while
 the trend of the composition and singing styles are changing rapidly from year to year. Classical
music
Use synonyms
,
for instance
Linking Words
, is the favourite one for elderly
people
Accept comma addition
people, although
although
Linking Words
 it may be unbearable for the younger generation. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
music
Use synonyms
 can bring people of diverse cultures together by giving motivation and
inflencing
a power to affect persons or events especially power based on prestige etc
influencing
 people's mind with catchy tunes and lyrics, the taste and feelings to the composition and beats between young and elderly people are too opposite to make them close.
Submitted by Thinzar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: