IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the education system is the only critical factor in the development of a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #education #system #factor #development #country
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some individuals consider
Use synonyms
education
Suggestion
the education system
system
Use synonyms
 as a core element for national
development
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that
education
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
 cannot be a
solely
Suggestion
sole
 contributing factor
to
Suggestion
in
 a
country
Use synonyms
's future. Other factors
such
Linking Words
 as military power, substantial economic growth, environmental quality are
also
Linking Words
 key attributes to the
development
Use synonyms
 of a
country
Use synonyms
 On one hand, national prosperity substantially depends on the
education
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
 which is driven by the availability of human capital. Because
Use synonyms
education
Suggestion
the education system
system
Use synonyms
 forms the foundation of human knowledge and awareness during formative years.
Moreover
Linking Words
, morals and
essentials
Suggestion
essential
 skills
such
Linking Words
 as communication, teamwork or problem-solving acquired in the learning process are necessary to build not only a civilized society but
also
Linking Words
 a strong economy.
For instance
Linking Words
, Japan specifically focuses
in
Suggestion
on
 its
education
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
 that since young, children are taught to be responsible, punctual, and respectful to others. Japan's advanced
development
Use synonyms
 is mainly contributed by hard-working, principled, and
skillful
Suggestion
 workers.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, other factors play key roles in the future of a
country
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, economic growth
provide
Suggestion
provides
 basic necessities to maintain lives. The availability of food, water, transportation, technology and housing is affected by the economy. At a macro-level, economic
development
Use synonyms
 sustains the survival of a nation.
Secondly
Linking Words
, military reinforcement promotes national security against inhumane warfare. Inability to maintain peace poses a serious threat to the
country
Use synonyms
's
development
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, the environmental quality reflects health status of the population. Compromising health burdens the economy and health care
system
Use synonyms
, putting the
country
Use synonyms
 on a trajectory toward an inevitable failure. To summarize,
education
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
 or literacy holds a significant mission for the production of highly qualified and knowledgeable workforce, leading the
country
Use synonyms
 to success.
However
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
 solely cannot decide a
country
Use synonyms
's fate. Other factors
such
Linking Words
 as economies, military power or the quality of
environment
Suggestion
the environment
 should
also
Linking Words
 be taken into account.
Submitted by hworld300 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: