IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

It is widely believed that people's ability to learn new things decreases with age and that companies should actively recruit younger employees who have great potential to learn. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #ability #decreases #age #companies #employees
Some people
beleive
accept as true; take to be true
believe
 that as
work
 force get older, their potential of learning declines,
therefore
 employers should actively recruit
youngesters
a young person of either sex
youngsters
 for the company, whereas others determine that older individuals are
neccessary
absolutely essential
necessary
since
Suggestion
for
 their experience are higher than younger one. I totally disagree that companies should intensively increase the number of young workers.
First
 of all, if
changement
 apply
for
Suggestion
to
 the company, the probability of learning and adapting that thing would be higher in older workers as far as
changement
 is
connecting
Suggestion
connected
 to their
workfield
Suggestion
work field
 since experienced workers tend to have already faced
certain revolution
Suggestion
a certain revolution
 while they are working in
this
 industry.
Therefore
, it might be easy to take that difference by using previous experience even if it is in different working field.
Secondly
, Most of the young workers tend to spend a massive amount of time just for adapting their new
work
 environment and team.
Morever
in addition
Moreover
, the maturity of those young individuals
are
Suggestion
is
 lower than those of
olders
plural of other; the people or things not already mentioned
others
elders
orders
 as well as youngsters are mostly
fail
Suggestion
failing
 to
defense
Suggestion
defend
defence
 their own
work
 since society tend to take someone who are
matured
Suggestion
mature
 enough.
Therefore
,
youngesters
a young person of either sex
youngsters
 might study new thing rapidly compared to
older generation
Suggestion
the older generation
,
however
 applying those things that they learnt into practice might not as fast as what
they
of them or themselves
their
 employers
beleive
accept as true; take to be true
believe
.
Thirdly
, According to the some health science magazines, it is proven that
human
Suggestion
the human brain's ability
brain
's ability of learning something new is not decreased because of aging.
However
, if someone does not
develope
make something new, such as a product or a mental or artistic creation
develop
 or maintain their
brain
 function by learning or exploring new things, the activation of the
brain
 cells of that part would be paralysed.
Therefore
, by that
mean
Suggestion
means
, if someone
learn
Suggestion
learns
 consistently, The
brain
 activity will remain active no matter of the ages.
Therefore
,
Accept space
,
 there is no point in
descriminating
showing or indicating careful judgment and discernment especially in matters of taste
discriminating
 people by their ages. To sum up, Unless the
work
 is not physical
work
 in which younger age can be
advantage
Suggestion
advantageous
, workers should not look for young
work
 force based on unproven belief.
Submitted by uugiiuugi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: