The growing number of owerweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum

#owerweight #people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #lessons #school #curriculum

One of the most serious health problems of modern society is obesity. Many believe that by increasing the hours of physical activity in the school,

this

problem can be solved. I strongly agree with

tis

denotes a person or thing

this

idea as the children can be

healtier

improved in health or physical condition

healthier

by doing more sports and meeting a variety of exercises with

new curriculum

Suggestion

the new curriculum

a new curriculum

Firstly

, a large number of students are involved with sports only in

schools while

Accept comma addition

schools, while

spending enormous amount of time watching TV or using

computer

Suggestion

a computer

the computer

at home. By elevating the activity durations, the physical stability of these kids can be supported. To illustrate, the current sport lesson is solely one day a week,

therefore

the body only struggles on that day and forgets everything done for a whole week.

However

, if the teachers introduce sportive activity

evey

(used of count nouns) each and all of the members of a group considered singly and without exception

every

other day or even frequently, the muscles would get used to it and encouraged to stay

healtier

improved in health or physical condition

healthier

Secondly

, increasing duration does not only mean longer time spent on

exercising but

Accept comma addition

exercising, but

also

bringing the opportunity to include different kinds of activities which is crucial for a healthy body. In order to keep stable, a variety of sports should be done.

For example

, while yoga helps to develop

durability

Suggestion

durable

, running burns fat and strengthen the body.

Thus

, the health state of the person can be supported by either way. In conclusion, I strongly believe that additional sport courses will help children to be

phsically

in accord with physical laws

physically

strong, durable and healthier by both increased active hours spent and introduced various kinds of exercises.

Submitted by aaydogdu-64 on Thu Jul 25 2019

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

249 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The growing number of owerweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Many people believe that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on society and individual to what extent do you agree or disagree?

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary schools. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, there is a rapid increase of rubbish amounts all around the world. What are the main causes for it? What can be a solution, in your opinion?