The growing number of owerweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum

One of the most serious health problems of modern society is obesity. Many believe that by increasing the hours of physical activity in the school,
this
problem can be solved. I strongly agree with
tis
denotes a person or thing
this
idea as the children can be
healtier
improved in health or physical condition
healthier
by doing more sports and meeting a variety of exercises with
new curriculum
Suggestion
the new curriculum
a new curriculum
.
Firstly
, a large number of students are involved with sports only in
schools while
Accept comma addition
schools, while
spending enormous amount of time watching TV or using
computer
Suggestion
a computer
the computer
at home. By elevating the activity durations, the physical stability of these kids can be supported. To illustrate, the current sport lesson is solely one day a week,
therefore
the body only struggles on that day and forgets everything done for a whole week.
However
, if the teachers introduce sportive activity
evey
(used of count nouns) each and all of the members of a group considered singly and without exception
every
other day or even frequently, the muscles would get used to it and encouraged to stay
healtier
improved in health or physical condition
healthier
.
Secondly
, increasing duration does not only mean longer time spent on
exercising but
Accept comma addition
exercising, but
also
bringing the opportunity to include different kinds of activities which is crucial for a healthy body. In order to keep stable, a variety of sports should be done.
For example
, while yoga helps to develop
durability
Suggestion
durable
, running burns fat and strengthen the body.
Thus
, the health state of the person can be supported by either way. In conclusion, I strongly believe that additional sport courses will help children to be
phsically
in accord with physical laws
physically
strong, durable and healthier by both increased active hours spent and introduced various kinds of exercises.
Submitted by aaydogdu-64 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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