IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The only way to solve the increasing crime rate of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills. To what extent do you agree?

#crime #rate #offenders #parents #skills
The increase in
juvnile
of or relating to or characteristic of or appropriate for children or young people
juvenile
crime
 rate is
major concern
Suggestion
a major concern
the major concern
 of the civilised society. The sizable
protion
something determined in relation to something that includes it
portion
 of
younge
(used of living things especially persons) in an early period of life or development or growth
young
 criminals belongs to poor families, where parents are not able to devote time for proper teaching to the children. I support the view that the
crime
 rate can be controlled by proper parenting techniques.
To begin
 with, the juvenile criminal are
forces
Suggestion
forced
in to
expresses motion to a point on, or within, something
into
crime
 by circumstances due to lack of basic facility. They may not get proper food and clothes from poor
gurdians
something that provides direction or advice as to a decision or course of action
guidance
guardians
, so they may resort to stealing of
this
things
Suggestion
thing
.
Furthermore
,
Accept space
,
 the habit of stealing leads them eventually to bigger
crime
 where the situation goes out of control and
lend
reach or come to rest
land
 them in prison.
For example
, many juvenile
home
Suggestion
homes
has
Suggestion
have
criminal
Suggestion
a criminal
 who has been caught
shop lifting
the act of stealing goods that are on display in a store
shoplifting
 and goes to jail
,
Accept space
,
 where they come in contact with
seasoned criminal
Suggestion
the seasoned criminal
 and learn bigger crimes
.
Accept space
.
Therefore
, if parents
provides
Suggestion
provide
 them with basic needs and good habits they will not travel on
path
Suggestion
the path
a path
 of
crime
.
On the other hand
, the parental education and training is very important to impart good habits in children. The children learn what they observe
therefore
 parents need to stop bad habits like drinking
,
Accept space
,
 smoking and using bad language in front of children, which is very common in slum areas or poor families.
Thus
, the majority of young person lands in
criminal act
Suggestion
criminal acts
a criminal act
 by
obersving
quick to notice; showing quick and keen perception
observing
 their parents without giving much thought to
consequences
Suggestion
the consequences
. To illustrate
,
Accept space
,
 many juvenile criminal admits that they have been
resort
Suggestion
resorting
crime
 by observing their parents drinking or gambling in front of them. So the education of parent is equally
imporant
of great significance or value
important
 as their children. I
conlude
decide by reasoning; draw or come to a conclusion
conclude
concluded
 that the young
offendres
a person who transgresses moral or civil law
offenders
 are
reflection
Suggestion
a reflection
 of the community they have been
borugh
Suggestion
brushed
brush
bough
 up. The government can focus on slum areas and poor people where they can be taught about basic parenting skills. To educated parent with proper parenting technique is the best way to stop
rise
Suggestion
the rise
 in juvenile
crime
 rates.
Submitted by sargara on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: