IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In countries where there is high unemployment, most pupils should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who will have no hope of finding a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #unemployment #pupils #education #point #hope #job
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It
is argue
Suggestion
is argued
argues
 that
it
it is
it's
 not necessary to offer secondary
education
Use synonyms
 for those who have a
liitle
limited or below average in number or quantity or magnitude or extent
little
 chance to find a job while their country has
high unemployment rate
Suggestion
a high unemployment rate
the highest unemployment rate
highest unemployment rate
. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view.
Firstly
Linking Words
, secondary
education
Use synonyms
 builds several soft skills which are not introduced in primary
education
Use synonyms
, making every student ready for their life and career.
Forexample
Suggestion
For example
, all secondary students have to work on group assignments as well as
presentation
Suggestion
a presentation
presentations
 which they need to work alongside others, coordinate ideas and manage the team, giving them insights
to
Suggestion
into
 team spirit, communication and collaboration. Being equipped with
such
Linking Words
 skills will have better chances of getting employed for young students because they are deemed as skilled workforce of the economy.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
baring
the act of excluding someone by a negative vote or veto
barring
 students from secondary
education
Use synonyms
 does not contribute to the
economy but
Accept comma addition
economy, but
also
Linking Words
 reduces its potential growth. Secondary students are able to adapt to working environment better than primary one.
Moreover
Linking Words
, people with minimal
education
Use synonyms
 may seek for jobs
oversea
beyond or across the sea
overseas
at
Suggestion
in
 developed countries where there is always a demand for migrant labours. Singapore is a good example, where have many people with low
education
Use synonyms
 levels working
in
Suggestion
on
 construction sites and maids working
at
Suggestion
in
 households. Those oversea jobs bring a large amount of foreign currency to the country. In conclusion, high unemployment rate is an issue of any economy and the government does not offer secondary
education
Use synonyms
 for
students which
Accept comma addition
students, which
 will not help solve
this
Linking Words
 problem but rather limits the pace of economic growth.
Submitted by linhculac on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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