IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

In some countries people's weight has significantly increased while their level of health have decreased. What do you think may be the causes of this problem? What solutions can you suggest to solve this problem?

#countries #people #weight #level #health
Obesity has become major issue all around the world. Maintenance of a healthy life is a challenge in current time. There are many reasons of stoutness, which we will discuss below. One of the reasons behind gaining weight has long working hours, which leads to selection of fast foods. Junk food is pre-cooked for easy and quick heating and contains preservatives that provide momentary satisfaction to the taste buds, but leave the deposition of fats in the body. Prepackaged foods which include bread, fizzy drinks, street food, and unwholesome snacks results in an increase in weight. “Early to bed, early to rise” quote has been long forgotten. Unhealthy life style
such
 as irregular meal time, sleeping hours, and stagnant lifestyle without any form of exercise are some of the reasons behind plumpness. The fatness can be reduced by following
certain rule
Suggestion
certain rules
a certain rule
 for
regulation
Suggestion
the regulation
 of health. Home cooked food are not only contains balance
nutrients but
Accept comma addition
nutrients, but
also
 provide
healthy alternative
Suggestion
healthy alternatives
a healthy alternative
 to ready to eat meals. One can follow yoga as a part of
exercise
Suggestion
the exercise
 which is known to reduce health as well as increase internal body stamina.
Furthermore
, practicing any outdoor sports like badminton, squash, and swimming
are known
Suggestion
is known
 to help
reduction
Suggestion
reduce
 in adipose.
Submitted by Jigar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: