IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Schools do not teach young people knowledge to look after their health. Do you agree with this opinion?

#schools #people #health
Some people believe that schools do not give enough importance to teach
health
-related topics. I certainly disagree with the statement as teachers design the school curriculum in
such
 a manner that it covers maximum content on
health
. There is indeed no particular subject that directly teaches about
health
.
However
, schools try to teach
health
 lessons along with the main course in an innovative way.
For example
, young children are taught the importance of
handwashing
 from the beginning.
Also
, they are provided with a diet
that is
 low in calorie and saturated fats and healthy drinks in the school cafeteria. In
this
 manner, they are introduced to healthy
food
 options. Seminars on healthy
food
 choices are conducted from time to time to emphasize more on healthy
food
 choices.
Moreover
, some
schools organize
Suggestion
schools, organizes
schools organizes
 competitions in which children prepare
food
 and explain its nutritional value.
Thus
, children are taught the importance of a healthy diet creatively. Another way schools teach young people about
health
 is through sports activity. Every year
schools arrange
Suggestion
schools, arranges
schools arranges
school arrange
school school arrange
 various sports competitions that help children to learn the benefits of sports / physical activity while playing it. They become more active and fit. Apart from
this
, special
health
 education on controlled substances and sex education is provided to prevent teenagers from indulging in unhealthy practices that can have detrimental effects on
health
.
Submitted by Masudur Rahman on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: