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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. To what extent do you agree?

#role #education #children #world #schools #art #music #curriculum #focus #subjects #information #technology
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It is undoubtedly true that the prime aim of the educational system is preparing youngsters for the future. While it may seem like a good idea to eliminate Art and
Music
 from schools and teach other
theoritical
concerned primarily with theories or hypotheses rather than practical considerations
theoretical
 subjects
such
 as Information Technology
instead
, I completely disagree.
First
 of all, Art can improve pupils’ creativity and enhance their memory.
This
 is mainly because Art provokes children to utilize their imagination abilities
frequently which
Accept comma addition
frequently, which
solidates
characterized by good substantial quality
solids
 the neural network related to creativity in their brains.
Moreover
, most Art students have to visualize what they are going to work at
first
 and
then
 they work from their memories which strengthens their long-term memory. In 2009,
for instance
, a study was conducted on artists by Harvard University showed that artists have the same IQ level as Math scientists and less likely to have Alzheimer when they grow up.
In addition
,
music
 can reduce
violence
 among students.
This
 is due to its sedating effect on pupils’ brains which makes them feel safe and unstressed. In Kenya,
for example
, when they introduced
music
 as a
seperate
act as a barrier between; stand between
separate
 subject to primary school students,
violence
 among them dropped by 50%.
In contrast
, if educational authorities replaced
music
 by
other
any of various alternatives; some other
another
 subject, pupils would be stressed for longer
hours which
Accept comma addition
hours, which
 can lead to
violence
; teaching
music
 should be obligatory in all public and private schools. To conclude, due to their benefits
such
 as improving students’ creativity and decreasing
violence
 among pupils, I completely believe that Art and
Music
 must be taught in all schools.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • cognitive abilities
  • cultural education
  • globally connected world
  • problem-solving skills
  • critical thinking
  • well-rounded education
  • self-expression
  • mental health impacts
  • digital art
  • music production
  • technology-driven careers
  • academic performance
  • intellectual growth
  • emotional development
  • creative subjects
  • enrich creativity
  • foster a sense of achievement
  • stress relief
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