some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however say that this would have little effect on public health and other measures are required.

There are numerous ways of developing
health
. Some believe that participating in sports could be beneficial
for
Suggestion
to
people’s
health whereas
Accept comma addition
health, whereas
others think that not only sports can improve pupils
body but
Accept comma addition
body, but
also
there are some other ways are needed and
this
essay
agree
Suggestion
agrees
with
this
view that, imposing higher tax on sugary drinks and daily exercises are ultimate ways of constructing public
health
.
To begin
with, increasing sports facilities could have benefits in our
body
.
Firstly
, those who have
small amount
Suggestion
a small amount
of time after finishing their job has the opportunity to play games with their offspring at home. It is the best way of reducing fat rather than sitting on a chair and watching television.
Secondly
, Sports like football require running
fastly which
Accept comma addition
quickly, which
quickly which
could embrace the
fat
an event (or a course of events) that will inevitably happen in the future
fate
of
human
Suggestion
the human body
body
. If busy parents pay
this
game with their children at
house
Suggestion
the house
a house
, it will be helpful for both of their
health
. Other measures are
also
important for maintaining
health
such
as government could impose
higher rate
Suggestion
a higher rate
of taxes on sugary drinks like coca-cola, Fanta etc. The result of
this
will be people avoid these kinds of beverages and eliminate the habit of drinking those drinks.
Moreover
, establishing exercising equipment on home or in the garden could be a great idea which will have a great impact on the whole family’s
health
. When a
readymade
made for purchase and immediate use
ready-made
gym is available in your
dooryard
than
subsequently or soon afterward (often used as sentence connectors)
then
nobody will refuse to go in there
.
Accept space
.
This
help
Suggestion
helps
us a lot in my own family greatly by creating a small gymnasium in our underground.
This
essay
agree
Suggestion
agrees
that, not only sports facility
have
Suggestion
has
impact
Suggestion
an impact
on
humans
Suggestion
the human body, but
the human body but
human body but
human's body but
body
but
also
further
necessary steps like avoiding
drink
Suggestion
drinks
with sugar and involving in the gym could have special effect on public
health
.
Submitted by Shakim Hossain on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

The best new way to check your essay
Just type your IELTS essay and receive a clear, detailed report and band score in a moment.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Read more in the eBook

The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »

* free ebook for Premium users

What to do next:
Look at other essays:
Check IELTS Writing Task 1 and Task 2 Online
Hundreds of algorithms will assess your writing according to 4 evaluation criteria. Writing9 helps you find the weak points of your essay and make it flawless.