People live longer today and so people should stay in the workforce. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

For me, I don’t agree with
this
statement for some reasons below
First
of all, retired people will feel lonely when staying at home because their children are at work. So staying in the workforce will give them
effective way
Suggestion
an effective way
effective ways
to away from
lonliness
the state of being alone in solitary isolation
loneliness
Staying at home not only makes them feel
boring but
Accept comma addition
boring, but
also waste of time
Suggestion
also a waste of time
. Going to work will give them
right way
Suggestion
the right way
to develop medical fitness or just having
good time
Suggestion
a good time
with their colleagues rather than staying at home doing housework or watching TV
Lastly
, people remaining in
workforce
Suggestion
the workforce
a workforce
can contribute to the economy of the country. Having experienced, they can solve problem clearly.
Consequently
, remaining in the workforce is the right
thing but
Accept comma addition
thing, but
we can’t make anyone totally agree with us. Their choice will base on medical health or taking care of their
grandchilren
a child of your son or daughter
grandchildren
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: