IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Question: Many working people get little or no exercise during the workday or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do many people do not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem ?

#people #exercise #workday #time #health
People
Suggestion
A people
 belonging to the working class sector of the economy rarely
exercise
 during the weekdays and
also
 during their leisure
time
 which poses a great danger and leads to a series of health problems.
People
Suggestion
A people
 belonging to
this
 class to not get enough
exercise
 due to their
work
 schedule. They are to resume by 8am and close by 4:30pm but they do not get to leave the office till late
sometimes depending
Accept comma addition
sometimes, depending
 on the
work
 load they have to deliver so there is hardly enough
time
 to
exercise
. All they just want to do is get home, sleep and prepare for the
next
 working day which is a continuous phenomenon. Another reason working people do not get enough
exercise
 during the week or leisure
time
 is because some are lazy and are not willing to put in the extra
work
 of exercising. Keeping fit and healthy is a job on
it’s
of a thing, of it; possessive form of "it"
its
 own by having to visit the gym after the close of
work
 and sticking to a regular set of workout routines or deciding to wake up earlier than usual and dedicate the
time
 to
exercising
Suggestion
exercise
. Employers should play a vital role in helping their staff keep
fit but
Accept comma addition
fit, but
 enrolling them
at
Suggestion
in
 a
gym preferably
Accept comma addition
gym, preferably
 close to home so there will be no excuse of distance. Employers should
also
 dedicate
exercise
 times during
work
 hours, in the
work place
a place where work is done
workplace
 and ensure participation by all members of staff.
Exercise
 does not have to be rigorous, a simple walk around the office after sitting for at least 30minutes should be recommended. With the increasing rate of health issues due to little or no
exercise according
Accept comma addition
exercise, according
 a recent survey by the Medical Practitioners Association in 2019. Working class people should take their health in their hands and motivate themselves to exercising at least three times a week.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: