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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart compares the total number of vehicles per one thousand people in China who owns a car in the years 1987 to 1999.

The bar chart compares the total number of vehicles per one thousand people in China who owns a car in the years 1987 to 1999.
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The bar chart compares the total number of
vehicles
Use synonyms
 per
one
Use synonyms
thousand
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 in
China
Use synonyms
 who owns a car in the years 1987 to 1999.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the average figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 cars in
China
Use synonyms
 increased during the given period.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the most significant
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 ownership was seen in the year 1999.
According to
Linking Words
 the graph, the initial figure for car ownership in
China
Use synonyms
 was merely below 500 per
one
Use synonyms
thousand
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 in 1987.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 number
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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doubled to almost 1000
vehicles
Use synonyms
 in 1991, before it reached exactly 1000 the succeeding year (1993).
Moreover
Linking Words
, in the
next
Linking Words
 couple of years,
this
Linking Words
 number started to rise significantly until the final year in 1999. To be specific, in 1995, the figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
vehicles
Use synonyms
 owned by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 in
China
Use synonyms
 increased to 2000 per
one
Use synonyms
thousand
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 from 1000 in 1993, after which it climbed
further
Linking Words
 to 3000.
Finally
Linking Words
, their car ownership figures started to
peaked
Change the verb
peak
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to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 just
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
little over 4000
vehicles
Use synonyms
 per
one
Use synonyms
thousand
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words vehicles, one, thousand, people, china with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "compares" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart
  • comparative data
  • vehicle ownership
  • per 1000 people
  • economic growth
  • rising income
  • year-on-year increase
  • significant jumps
  • data points
  • urbanization
  • industrialization
  • infrastructural impact
  • environmental impact
  • plateau
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