IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? Write at least 250 words

#minutes #people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #factors #influence #behaviour
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no doubt that violence is an important issue in our society. While there are many people who think that television and computer games are the problem associated with
this
, others argue that
this
 is not the cause of those actions. In
this
 essay I will discuss both sides of the argument and support my view with some examples.
First
 and foremost, there are those whose thoughts of brutality are associated with online games. The reason for
this
 statement is that often we saw in the news, teenagers that comet vandalism cause a game.
Furthermore
, in
this
 modern society the people begin to play and get obsessed with some video games at an early age. Some of the parents help to provide them these resources. As a consequence, some of them begin to play more and more, arriving at a certain point that they think that they're inside the game.
However
, there are those who deny the possibility that the media resources doesn't affect to the human behaviour. To illustrate
this
 point, some individuals have personality disorders and if they are not medicated, they won't follow the good instructions and
then
 they can be aggressive and commit criminal acts
as a result
 as the lack of the necessary help of resources. To sum up, while there are those who play with video games and they finish obsessed thinking that they're inside in the game,
however
, there are others who suffer a psychiatric disease and they don't have control of their mind or their acts. Personally, I think that the media games have a lot of influence in the behaviour of the people, but the mind of the human being results to be very complicated to study and is difficult to know and understand how the people who suffer from these problems, how they see the world and reality,
as a result
 of committing acts of violence and vandalism.
Submitted by perfumadaaa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: