IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

some people say that parents shouyld encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. others say it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #shouyld #children #part #group #activities #time
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The idea that children should occupy themselves during their leisure time is a frequent topic of discussion among parents. While some people believe that children are to be encouraged to engage in organized
group
 activities, other people think that it is beneficial for them to be able to keep themselves occupied when they are less busy. In my opinion, I believe children would benefit tremendously when they are exposed to working together in a
group
, rather than being independent.
To begin
 with, it is thought by some that parents are to persuade their young ones to take part in
group
 activities when they are less occupied and I completely agree.
This
 is because they learn how to work with their mates when they are together as a
group
. With
this
, they gain co-operation skill which is vital for them to succeed in the work force. Again, children who take part in organized
group
 functions are exposed to the views of their peers and as
such
 they learn new ways of doing things.
For instance
, children given the task to learn a new musical instrument or compose a song can have a broader perspective to life and ensure they become valuable members of the society.
Furthermore
, interacting with others in various activities will help children develop competitive skills that will ultimately teach them the importance of working hard to become successful in life.
On the other hand
, some people say that it is necessary for children to learn how to engage themselves without others, for the reason that they learn how to become independent. A child who is able to study on his own,
for instance
, will be able to work independently and achieve outstanding performance with less supervision. Again, children can develop the habit of working with minimal support, if they learn how to engage themselves on their own.
This
 skill will be useful in future when they set out on their own as it gives them an edge over and above their counterparts.
In addition
, they considerably become self-sufficient as they begin to realize that they can outperform others without looking up to others for support. In conclusion, while some say it is vital for children to develop how to engage themselves alone, I strongly believe it will be extremely useful for them to learn the skills of cooperation and competition when they are involved in
group
 activities in their free time.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: