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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People aim to achieve balance between their work and lives. But few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problems? How to over come it? The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

People aim to achieve balance between their work and lives. But few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problems? How to over come it? The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
#people #aim #balance #work #lives #proportion #population #three #countries
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above
Correct article usage
The above
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 illustrated chart graph shows the age of 65aged
peple
Correct your spelling
people
 in 3 different
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
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 between 1940 to 2040. during 1940 the
population
Use synonyms
 of 65aged
people
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 was less than 10%. as after 20years it
popuated
Correct your spelling
populated
 increased age to 10%,
then
Linking Words
 again in
20years
Correct your spelling
20 years
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
population
Change noun form
population's
show examples
 age
rised
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rises
raised
rise
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upto
Correct your spelling
up to
show examples
 10% or equal to 15%. in 19780 USA's
agd
Correct your spelling
and
people
Use synonyms
 becomes 15% of
whole
Change the article
the whole
show examples
population
Use synonyms
,
thn
Correct your spelling
then
than
that
 in 2000 there was a change as
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 % got reduced to less
tha
Correct your spelling
than
 15%
then
Linking Words
 it has maintained its record
upto
Use synonyms
 2020 but there is an
apredivction
Correct your spelling
a prediction
prediction
 that
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 will have 65aged
pepke
Correct your spelling
people
 more than 20% by 2040. in
sweden
Change the capitalization
Sweden
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 they have more than 5% 65aged
people
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 in 1940
later
Correct word choice
and later
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 in 1960 that number
risen
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
Use synonyms
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
show examples
 1960, and after 20yaers
sweden
Change the capitalization
Sweden
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 has reached 15% of the total
population
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 65aged
people
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, in 2000
total
Correct article usage
the total
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 aged
people
Use synonyms
 was less than 20% but by 2020 it will reach 20%, and there is
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 prediction that it
wil
Correct your spelling
will
 reach it % by 25% by 2040 in japan starting the aged
people
Use synonyms
 were
les
Correct your spelling
less
 than 65%and they ave maintained
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 graph till 1980 but in 2000 it has become
eaxct
Correct your spelling
exact
exactly
 5% and by 2020
theey
Correct your spelling
they
 will reach
Use synonyms
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
show examples
 10% and
prediction
Correct article usage
the prediction
show examples
 for 2040 is they will reach
highest
Add an article
the highest
show examples
 number of more than 25%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Add some linking words.
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, people, upto with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 5 times.
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