IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that people should choose their job based on income in order to provide security to their families. Do you think money is an important factor when choosing a job? What other factors should be considered

#people #job #income #security #families #money #factor #factors
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued by some people that individuals should prioritize salary when choosing an employment to comfort their families financially. In my opinion, the stipend is an extremely significant factor when deciding where to work.
However
Linking Words
, convenience and employment place environment are important too. Workers have to fulfil their housing needs.
In addition
Linking Words
, they have to pay off their debts. Every family relies on their working member to support them and provide for their food and other necessities. Graduates have huge loans, which they took to support their education, which they have to start clearing after getting a job.
For example
Linking Words
, average loan that a student has to return is two hundred thousand dollars. For these reasons, money should be kept in mind when deciding between different work options. Having a workplace nearby and office conditions are other important factors. If place of work is close to home, it would be convenient to get to and back without wasting time in transition. The Employer should be friendly and easy going to minimize mental and physical stress and have a balanced professional and personal life. According to a recent study published by Harvard University, more than 60 percent employees suffer from work-related stress.
Therefore
Linking Words
, easy accessibility and warm and hospitable working environment are key for job performance and satisfaction. In conclusion, some people argue that money should top the list when deciding employer to serve so that individuals are able to provide security to their families. In my opinion, finances are crucial and should be kept in mind, but,
however
Linking Words
, other circumstances should be looked upon
such
Linking Words
 as location of employment place and workplace atmosphere.
Submitted by vicky_talib on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • job fulfillment
  • work-life integration
  • career progression
  • organizational culture
  • ethical alignment
  • sustainable employment
  • geographical proximity
  • social contribution
  • occupational health
  • creative autonomy
  • income potential
  • benefits package
  • professional development
  • commuter concerns
  • work environment
  • personal satisfaction
  • financial remuneration
  • industry stability
  • innovative capacity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: